Reviewing music by all-female groups can be a bit of a tightrope walk, especially for male writers. Criticism is often misconstrued, and the mere mention that a group is comprised solely of women can generate an insatiable barrage of hateful e-mails-- ask any writer who's ever tackled a Sleater-Kinney album. I wanted to approach The Donnas without making the obvious "[70s metal group] fronted by [80s pop diva]" comparison, and more importantly, I didn't want to objectify the four Donnas as sexual and musical creatures prowling what some mysogynistic critics would refer to as "a man's jungle." But after spinning Spend the Night several times, it's clear The Donnas could objectify themselves more in 40 minutes than I could in 900 words.

There's a scene in This Is Spinal Tap that I think appropriately relates to The Donnas. It's perhaps a clichéd reference, but recalling the moment Tap's manager Ian Faith explains that Duke Fame's recent album art isn't sexist because Duke's the one being victimized, there's that famous David St. Hubbins realization: "There's such a fine line between clever and stupid." Foolish artistic license overshadows any moral or sexual responsibility, regardless of gender, and while The Donnas may play the role of commanding women in a men's world, their music is too lifeless to sow any inspirational seeds.

Make no mistake, Spend the Night defies any post-liberation role reversal debate: The album, both musically and lyrically, is so one-dimensional, it would be equally vapid at the hands of either sex. Sure, The Donnas have chops; Tommy Lee is a pretty fucking good drummer, but that's no reason to buy a Mötley Crüe record. The simple fact is, "Girls, Girls, Girls" would be just as pointless if it were called "Boys, Boys, Boys" and released at the height of schlock-rock's 21st century comeback.

The real problem is how The Donnas limit themselves by being "fun." No one expects or wants every modern rock album to be a broody, isolated masterpiece, but the songs on Spend the Night revolve (or devolve) around three main themes: 1) Getting liquored up and makin' it with some guy; 2) Getting liquored up and running into some guy that had his chance to make it with The Donnas, but didn't; or 3) Talking trash about some girl that The Donnas don't like, usually because she keeps them from getting liquored up. All of this may sound ridiculous, but that must be the lyrical price you pay for having every couplet on the album rhyme. The "drinkin' it and makin' it" image portrayed by The Donnas may be apt due to the career they've made of constant touring, but that doesn't mean anyone wants to hear it sung over every pentatonic riff ever written, thirteen times in a row. As a result of this insipid subject matter, the only thing that came to mind while listening to Spend the Night was Dudley "Booger" Dawson's prophetic Revenge of the Nerds exclamation: "You Mu's sure can party!"

The Donnas regurgitate a plethora of metal riffs, and for some that may be charming, but the music falls flat because the girls take more than just musical cues from the 70s metal-heads-- they embrace their overt use of sexual conquest (or frustration) as subject matter. Without injecting any sort of originality or voice (other than simply being women), The Donnas transform forgettable cock-rock into forgettable tit-rock. If you consider name-checking Boy Scouts, Miss Cleo, and Z. Cavaricci's entertaining, buckle up: You're in for the ride of your life.

But there's an aspect of Spend the Night that's even sadder than the music on it: This is The Donnas' fifth album, and they've just now begun to receive airplay on modern rock radio and MTV, without ever changing their sound. Why? Warner Brothers. I guess if you have nowhere else to go musically, and your sound is suddenly "marketable," the only thing left to do is sign to a major label. I'm not one to cry sellout here, though, because for one, they certainly haven't changed their original sound in the name of commercialism, and two, they deserve to be soaked up by the masses. If nothing else, they've paid their dues.

I honestly can't figure out if The Donnas have tapped the pure heart and soul of rock 'n' roll and it's just not poignant anymore, or if Spend the Night is one of the worst rock 'n' roll albums I've ever heard. But The Donnas know, and whether rock's dead or not, they're gonna cash a few checks, laughing (at me) all the way to the bank.

-Kyle Reiter, January 27th, 2003