Toward the end of my sister's wedding reception, the photographer posed my father for what ended up being one of the most fun pictures of the day.

The pockets of his tuxedo were pulled out to show how empty they were, and Dad had this I-didn't-really-ever-want-to-retire-anyway look on his face.

Weddings have a way of putting many expressions on a parent's face: bewildered, frustrated, confused, angry and the ever popular we'll-have-to-live-in-poverty-now.

By the time the big day arrives, many parents are too overwhelmed to enjoy it. Dad is staring at the band wondering how he ever was convinced it was vital for the reception. Mom is looking at all the food left on plates, wondering why she couldn't persuade the bride to go with Swedish meatballs rather than escargot.

The big day often is the culmination of weeks of arguments, squabbles and compromises. By the time the minister asks who is giving the bride away, Mom and Dad are ready to shout: "We are!"

So how can a bride and her parents maneuver through wedding plans blissfully rather than miserably?

Plan to alleviate stress before you start planning the wedding.

"The main thing to do to keep the stress down is to have open communication," says Holly Long, owner of Naturally Elegant Events in Irmo. "Determine who's going to be the decision-maker, what is the maximum budget you want to stay within, then have fun.

"If you've got those first two things identified when everything is calm, at the beginning, then the whole process is going to go smoothly."

OK, sounds good. Discuss money matters. Establish that the final decisions are the bride's. After all, it is her wedding. But she must follow the budget rules.

Long said the average wedding costs $100 to $150 per person - for the bride's family. If you invite 200 people, that would drain $20,000 to $30,000 from your checking account.

That's about right, according to the About.com Web site, which says the average amount spent on a traditional wedding in the United States is $20,000.

And for all you parents of boys who might be snickering right now - don't.

Times, tradition and etiquette have changed. Sure, you're still responsible for the rehearsal dinner, but you might be forking over more than you think.

Once upon a time, the only folks who came to the dinner were those in the wedding party. No more. Now, immediate family and out-of-town guests are to be invited. You'll spend several thousand dollars, depending on the menu and location.

"Some rehearsal dinners can get very large," Long said. "You don't have to do that, but it is the accepted way and the proper way."

It all changed about 10 years ago, mostly because family dynamics have changed - with divorces sometimes giving brides and grooms each two sets of parents and families. It also makes wedding planning tense and awkward at times, which is why Long reiterates the importance of establishing ahead of time who will do what.

Aside from the rehearsal dinner, the groom also pays for the bridal bouquet, as well as the parents' corsages. Long said it's OK for the bride's family to ask the groom's parents to pay for other things, such as the reception bar tab.

If you want to foster good in-law relations, perhaps those are matters to be discussed - rather than requested - ahead of time. (You probably shouldn't ask the groom's parents to pay for the bar tab if their family and friends don't imbibe or if they feel strongly against having alcohol at the reception.)

Here are some more statistics from About.com: There are about 2.4 million weddings each year in the United States. The average age for first-time brides is 24.5 years; for grooms, 26.5 years.

Those younger brides and grooms want lavish weddings, typically more lavish than the friends' they went to a few months before.

Of course, some people might urge you not to put a price tag on a bride's special day.

But they're usually not the ones paying the bill.