Review: The Rules of Attraction
Genre: Drama, Romance
MPAA rating: R (for strong language, violence, sexual content, drug use)
Running time: 1:44
Release date: 2002
Cast: James Franco, Willem Dafoe, Kirsten Dunst, Randy Savage, Tobey Maguire
Directed by: Roger Avary

I'm not sure what it says about me that I've actually read enough Bret Easton Ellis novels to be able to declare a favorite, but I have. And my favorite, without a doubt, is The Rules of Attraction, his deft satire of New England liberal-arts college life, published in 1987.

Ellis knows this milieu inside and out: the drunk and drugged-out students who float from party to party (when they aren't bouncing through Europe on their parents' money), drive expensive cars, major in "ceramics" — and never once stop whining about their problems. Like Tom Wolfe's The Bonfire of the Vanities (also published in 1987), Ellis' book is about the funniest eulogy you could ask for for a generation that's gotten ridiculously high on its own self-importance.

In his film adaptation of Ellis' novel, writer/director Roger Avary (Killing Zoe) has changed the time period from the mid-1980s to the present day, but otherwise he's remained remarkably faithful to the source material. And he's made a really dreadful movie. Set at the fictional Camden College (based on Ellis' alma mater, Bennington), The Rules of Attraction focuses primarily on three lovelorn students: the ne'er-do-well, thuggish Sean (James Van Der Beek), who wants to sleep with Lauren (Shannyn Sossamon), who is the ex-girlfriend of the bisexual Paul (Ian Somerhalder), who wants to sleep with Sean.

Considering the cinematic nature of the novel — mostly a series of short, punchy scenes set at various campus parties — Avary's fidelity probably should have yielded successful results. Not even close. Avary is a limp, uninspired filmmaker; his idea of a visual strategy is to periodically put the film in reverse to emphasize the theme that these kids have trouble "gaining forward momentum." This idea is mildly clever the first time. By the 15th time, it's just plain stupid.

Avary specializes in hip nihilism — he's from the school where you laugh at the grotesqueries of bad sex, drug overdoses and blood splattering on the walls. But nothing about the movie is particularly funny or outrageous, and it certainly doesn't have the martini-sloshed grace of Ellis' prose.

Early on, there is a cameo from Fred Savage (The Wonder Years), who lies in bed in his underwear and shoots up heroin between his toes. At various points, we watch Van Der Beek snorting cocaine, masturbating to Internet pornography and going to the bathroom. Wow! Are you shocked yet?

You can feel the desperation of these actors and the director, trying so hard to be so scandalous. But the more scandalous they try to be, the more fake this movie looks.

The Rules of Attraction comes alive briefly, in a four-minute sequence in which a supporting character, Victor (Kip Pardue), recounts his adventures in Europe, in rapid-fire voiceover (it's taken directly from the novel). I'd also like to see more of Somerhalder, who uses his saucerlike blue eyes and pouty lips to capture the melancholy of college-age unrequited desire. (He offers the only thing resembling genuine emotion in the movie.) Otherwise, The Rules of Attraction is a long slog to nowhere.