As the western world falls into its digitized, virtual, online future, advertising will become more and more a venerated profession. In the future, perhaps, the city of London will establish an Advertisers' Guild, to join the centuries-old Leathermakers' and Gurneysmiths' Guilds that pompously govern that ancient, square-miled city. Advertising will become a craft and no longer despised.

This will come to pass. Look at how many people gazed at the TV just for the commercials during this year's Superbowl. Look at the campaigns of those seeking Presidential nomination. None of the four leading contending candidates is speaking about issues that affect you and me. Why should they? The only people they wish to satisfy are the Wall Street wankers and secure those scum-suckers' sufficient return on investment. To that end, the four discuss each others' advertising rather than the ills of society.

Khan has seen the future, too, and has used his porn hotline number as the title of his debut album for Matador. The cover was decked out with a sturdy array of studmuffins-- some with 28" waists, some who insist on being on top; Khan has even demanded that some of them reveal whether they are circumcised or not. First reaction to this is as follows: why can't Britney Spears be rechristened Britney Khannelle, or something alphabetically close to Khan so that every mother of a pre-pubescent teenybopper could be outraged and phone Tipper Gore. Tipper could finally quit picking on Jello Biafra and put Khan in the stocks, where he rightly belongs these days.

All the erectile tissue on his album cover can't conceal the fact that Khan can no longer keep his pecker up. From the turgid Jimi Tenor-wannabe of "Jet Lounge Blues" to the flagrantly annoying collaborations ("Body Dump" and "Nowhere") with lifeless Julee Cruise. Khan possesses a torch with no flame. A stick, by any other reckoning. Only "Salty Waltz," a Burger/Ink-type hypnotic roller hints at past prowesses.

But it wasn't always so bleak and barren. As his recent career-spanning Passport album amply demonstrates, Khan, like Leslie Charteris' Simon Templar (aka the Saint), is a man with many names and many guises. In the past, Khan has been known by 4E, Gizz TV, Bizz OD, and El Turco Loco, just to name a few. Even Khan isn't his real name. I just can't figure out why he'd be trying to conceal his real name, Can Oral. Why would you want to disguise that?!

Khan has released hundreds of tracks under at least a dozen labels (some of which he founded). So why the failed sleezoid electro-porn contained on 1-900-Get-Khan? Burn-out or poor direction? Or just false advertising? Ah, well. After our new president is elected, no one will care, anyway. So let's save some anxiety and get over it right now.

-Paul Cooper