Eureka Farm
The View
[Loosegroove]
Rating: 3.8
THE GLENVILLE GLEANER PERSONALS
December 6, 1999
Completely confidential! Discreet! The best way to meet people in this
shithole town! Meet that special someone that you would probably never
have met without your mutual fixation with pornography!
WOMEN SEEKING MEN
37- year- old virgin, 220- lbs redhead seeks SWM with religious aura that
makes romance feel like licking moldy cabbage. Likes long walks in the
park, dogs, Tim Allen movies, and dinner. Give me a call.
19- year- old student with beautiful shirt potatoes seeks tall, dark, lean
type resembling Vince Vaughn. Likes stuff, things. Leave a message. BOX 343
MEN SEEKING WOMEN
Very attractive 35- year- old businessman seeks meat napkin to mop his blood
sausage. Low standards, very desperate. BOX 125
MEN SEEKING MEN
Gay man looking for anybody gay in this town who's willing to admit it. Just
leave a note in the bathroom stall at Barbarella's.
WOMEN SEEKING WOMEN
(No entries this week)
BANDS SEEKING MOJO
Ultra talented musicians with far too much time on their hands
desperately seeking spark that makes anything musical seem worthwhile.
We have all sorts of instruments and time changes and minor chord
progressions and arty prints on our cover. Our three singers harmonize
like three fey Layne Staley's, adding growls and sighs to differentiate
when we're being spooky and when we're getting all intense. Listen to
one of our masterworks, "Colourblind," and check out how we use bombastic
drums, moogs, mashing guitars and organs while we play our two chords.
And hey, check out "Spare" with its bitchin' "free" clarinet solo. We
were really proud of that. We aspire to expand upon the innovations of
Sunny Day Real Estate or Radiohead, but we're content with sounding like
Styx or Genesis. We fuck like all the other slick wanna rockers in your
town and we'll leave you feeling slimy and all weird. If interested,
If interested, please take our new disc, The View, off the
bitter alcoholic review who is threatening to steal our hair gel.
-Samir Khan