DJ: Hot on the heels of Ui's Lifelike comes their first Top 40 smash. It's a collaboration with uber-hipsters Stereolab, and a cover of one of ambient deity Brian Eno's classics. This week it's Number 4 with a bullet. Here's Uilab's "St. Elmo's Fire!"

[phone rings]

DJ: Hello?

Kid: This is the greatest song ever! But I bought Ui's album and this song isn't on it. Instead it's all just like drums and keyboards and stuff. There's not even any words.

DJ: Well, kid. First of all, you gotta get the Uilab disc Fires to get this song. The Ui disc is actually an entirely different sound than Uilab's. But man, this Fires disc is sheer greatness. I mean, there's not much content-- four of the six tracks are mixes of "St. Elmo's Fire," but it's all good. The track "Impulse Rah!" is, simply put, one of the coolest things I've heard all year.

Kid: Ya think?

DJ: Yeah, man. And as far as I'm concerned, Ui's disc is pretty damned happenin', too. You just gotta expand your horizons. Just 'cause it doesn't have lyrics doesn't mean it isn't good.

Kid: Geez, man. I never thought about it that way.

DJ: Yeah. See, you put down the Matchbox 20, stop camping out for Pearl Jam tickets, stop masturbating to Jewel videos... I mean, there's good music out there, you just have to look for it. Read magazines. Hang out in record stores.

Kid: Wait a minute. You're a Top 40 DJ. How come you have such cool taste in music? And how did this song ever get played on the radio? I mean, it's so different.

DJ: Well, to be honest, this is a fantasy world we're living in. "St. Elmo's Fire" isn't actually a hit, though in a perfect world, it would be. Also, you and I aren't even real. We're the product of some guy's imagination. How's that for tough luck?

Kid: Hey, this is starting to make sense.

DJ: You bet it is. Did you honestly think that I'd have even heard of Ui if this was anything other than a pure, unadulterated work of fiction?

Kid: Damn!

DJ: Get off my phone!

-Ryan Schreiber