Last night, I watched Radiohead perform on "Saturday Night Live." Seeing the band's incredible performance caused two thoughts to surface in my mind. First of all, I am a complete fucking jackass for not exhausting every possible resource by which I could have wormed my way in to the band's recent show here in New York. Secondly, it occurred to me just how big "Saturday Night Live" has become. Radiohead, the band responsible for the current #1 album in the United States, have chosen that show as the outlet for their one televised performance here.

But the influence of SNL doesn't end with its musical guests. A show which has arguably sucked for approximately 70% of its time on air has given us such memorable characters as Dana Carvey's Church Lady, Al Franken's Stuart Smalley, and Mike Myers' Linda Richmond, not to mention movie spin-off after movie spin-off, ranging from the wildly successful Wayne's World to the moderately less successful It's Pat! These skits and characters have entered the nation's comedic vernacular in a way that surpasses perhaps any other television program from the past 30 years. Thus, I am confident that if I make a joke or reference that alludes to the television program, a majority of those reading it will understand.

The Rock*A*Teens are not teens, nor do they rock. Discuss.

When I first heard about the Rock*A*Teens, I was quite expecting them to be a dumb, cutesy pop band along the lines of Junior Varsity. But seeing the band play live a few months ago made it abundantly clear that, not only does the band lack the peppy, if immeasurably annoying, energy of a kitschy pop band, but seemed to take a sharp curve in the other direction, going for a lugubrious, swampy, and overall dull sound, instead.

The pretentiously-titled Sweet Bird of Youth is a particularly average-sounding rock album. The majority of its tracks plod along with distorted guitars, occasional Hammond organs, and the forced delivery of often tone-deaf vocals. At times, such as on the album's opening track, this decidedly unoriginal formula is executed rather well. But even when the Rock*A*Teens are at their best, they stay immensely predictable. Most of the tricks used on Sweet Bird of Youth that stab at originally have already been done before, and better.

But that's just one reason not to like the Rock*A*Teens. Another is that the band's name has two asterisks in it, meaning that if you try to rip any MP3s from their albums, your system will no doubt attempt to reprimand you in some way. Another is that, after seeing the band play live, I'm convinced that they really just want to be R.E.M. They're scruffy, college radio-sounding, and from a small town in Georgia-- is this really a surprise?

But these are really just minor issues. My biggest gripe with Sweet Bird of Youth is that it's in no way spectacular, and far too pretentious for what it is. And despite the fact that its competent execution may make it their best album to date, awkwardness still reigns as its primary characteristic. Sorry, guys-- you're the Spartan Cheerleaders of Merge Records.

-Matt LeMay