"I don't think this relationship is going anywhere."

"Yeah, okay, pass the chips."

"We just don't have fun anymore."

"Whad'ya mean? We have a lot of fun."

"No, I mean real fun. Like we used to. You've changed. I've changed. I mean... I... I just don't know where this relationship is going anymore."

"You're not making sense. I thought you wanted to take this thing to the next level."

"Well... yeah... I thought... it's just... this is good. We're good... but..."

"But what?"

"Fun. I want fun."

"You think life's a big mountain of fun? With a fun castle on the top? It's not. You sit here and demand fun from me like I'm made out of it. I'm not. No one is."

"You used to be."

"Well, let me be first to welcome you to the new town of me."

"Hey, that was kind of funny. You see, you can still be fun."

"Whatever. Let's screw."

So, what happened to the fun, Matt? Return of the Rentals was so full of fun. So much bouncy fun. Where did it go? I mean, sure, you throw us a few bits of the olde- skule Rentals on "Getting By," "The Cruise," "Barcelona," and "Big Daddy C" (the latter with help from the king of all things sassy and fun, Blur's Damon Albarn). But on a whole, the thing kind of falls flat.

I want the keyboards, the hooked- on- phonics between verse oooh- ooohs, the overly simplistic love stories. Where is P? Do we have estrange ourselves from Weezer, move to Spain, live it up big- time, get back in touch with Rivers, and return to America to see this thing through the right set of prescription sunglasses? I have enough real life in my real life, thanks.

I don't know, Matt. It's just not the same anymore. Hmm... At least the booklet smells as good as the last one.

-Chip Chanko