In some clandestine think-tank, buried in the deep recesses of the music industry, a hyper-caffeinated crew of (likely underpaid) staff members determines when to phase out musical vocabulary (grunge, new wave) after its moment has passed. As we speak, the staffers in this proverbial chamber have been squabbling over the term "emo" for going on two years. Raw-nerved from lack of sleep and tense from infighting, the panel sits amidst overflowing ashtrays, greasy take-out boxes, coffee cups, and empty Tums containers.

The Chairman slumps as the rookie panel member takes off his shoe to thump loudly, Khrushchev-style, across the table.

"We must retire the word 'emo,' says the rookie. "It's applied to everything, and means nothing."

A sleepy advisor laughs. "It never did."

"You are making fun of me," says the rookie.

"You seem so opposed to use of the word 'emo.' What do you suggest we use instead?" asks the Chairman.

The rookie folds his hands across his chest. "It would depend on the band, sir."

The Chairman shuffles through the CDs at the center of the table. He pulls out Aveo's Bridge to the Morning Lights, and places it in the stereo system. The room is flooded with the sound of a slightly off-key muted tenor wail.

"Sounds like Morrissey," says the sleepy official. "But not as good. Are these guys from England?"

"Seattle," says the chairman.

"Then what's with the accent?

" "It's all part of the act. The Smiths thing. You can hear it in the guitars, too." He shifts it to track three. "This is the title track, but tell me if you don't think it's a dead ringer for 'This Charming Man...'"

"I don't see what this has to do with the topic at hand," says the rookie.

"Everything," says the sleepy official. "Fetishizing the Smiths in general, and Morrissey, in particular, have been cornerstones of the emo subculture for years. Not to mention that the seemingly deliberate, slightly off-keyness of the vocal delivery recalls the Promise Ring."

"Aveo's a fairly new band," says the Chairman. "This is their debut album. Its nine tracks are sequenced in reference to loosely connected anecdotes about sadness, alienation, suicide, roadtrips, and ennui, which are delivered somewhat tongue-in-cheek in the liner notes. Lyrics are derived from the cunning extraction of certain lines from these stories."

"So?" asks the rookie. "Sounds like Belle and Sebastian. You wouldn't call Belle and Sebastian emo."

"Well," says the chairman, "I personally don't think Belle and Sebastian sound all that much like the Smiths. And despite the seemingly glib tone of the liner notes, the super-heartfelt vocal delivery makes me question Aveo vocalist/guitarist William Wilson's ironic intent. It sounds too earnest. Also, consider "End of This Dull Continent," the second track. That staggered time signature, the guitar parts cribbed from Death Cab for Cutie, the slow build from quiet and barely rocking to a little louder and..."

"Slightly more rocking," says the sleepy advisor. "Though I take issue with the word 'rocking,' sir."

"Let's leave that be," says the Chairman.

"But what about 'Neverhome'?" asks the rookie. "It's upbeat and there's an accordion."

The sleepy advisor scoffs. "Again, sounds like the Smiths."

"And I'd like to take this moment to inform the whole panel that the band's name, Aveo, is the Latin word for 'I desire.'"

[collective groan]

The sleepy advisor nods. "But you know, for the record-- and its possible categorization under a disputed term aside-- this album isn't really terrible. Perhaps a bit boring-- all the songs sound mostly the same-- and derivative. And some of the tracks are pretty good. "Higherness," for example, has a nice, driving beat, and comes closer to rocking than most of the album. Also, "Tomorrow Today" is catchy as hell, and could vie for great song status if only the guitars weren't so resolutely pleasant and William Wilson wasn't so determined to sound like Morrissey."

The rookie slides back into his chair. "You're gonna call this emo, aren't you?"

"Well, I could just call it Heavily Inspired By The Smiths and leave it at that, but considering the demographic likely to purchase and enjoy this record, emo wouldn't be too much of a stretch. Also, the overall sound-- the plaintive vocals, the pretty melancholy, the cheerless self-indulgence... I mean, how much more of a recommendation do you need? Like you said, we apply the word 'emo' to everything. We could just call it indie rock, but tell me the last time that meant anything at all."

"Maybe you're right."

"I know I'm right," says the Chairman. "And on that note, I think it's time for all of us to go home. Tomorrow, we start on nü-metal, so get some rest."

-Alison Fields, December 13th, 2001