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Rantings
 Raid on E-tebbe, part 6
by
Rob Rosenberger -- 04/24/02
D.K. MATAI (MI2G) continues to drum up publicity for his firm with the laughable notion of an "Inter-fada," or holy cyber-war, that still rages unchecked between Palestine & Israel.
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Did you know Palestinian hackers outnumber suicide bombers by almost 10-to-1?
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Notice I didn't say "now rages." I said "still rages." Technically, the raid on E-tebbe did just barely begin in the prior millennium. Matai wants reporters to equate website defacements with physical terrorism. Yet the "combatants" Matai fears so much can get distracted when friends drop by to play a round of Anarchy Online.
We ain't talking about real jihad discipline here -- not if Microsoft's X-box can bring cyber-peace to the Middle East.
But good grief, did you know Palestinian hackers outnumber suicide bombers by almost 10-to-1? Even worse, a hacker can inflict his boolean vengeance multiple times, whereas a suicide bomber only gets one shot at it. These pointless facts add up, you know.
The media once again obliged Matai with some free ink -- possibly in sympathy for the wounds he suffered when I launched a hilarious 'asymmetric warfare' attack against his firm. (I recommend the audio version if you like comedy.) The list of reporters who wrote stories at mi2g's request included John Leyden of The Register and Lisa Hoffman of Scripps Howard News Service.
Leyden readily admitted mi2g dropped the "Inter-fada" story in his lap. Yes yes yes, I figured as much. I'll bet Matai approached him with a nonchalance and a joie de vivre, and I'll bet his face was grinning from side to side. He knows the media has a fetish for this stuff. "I write 3-5 stories a day," Leyden asserted, "and I'll be the first to admit not all are ground breaking. That's the same for all online publications, I think you'd agree?"
Yeah, I'd agree. Memo to Vmyths fan Laura Fredericks: now you know why I don't write 3-5 columns a day.
Hoffman (perhaps unintentionally) pointed out the absurdity of an Israeli-Palestinian cyberwar when she observed: "since a March 29 terrorist suicide bombing at an Israeli resort hotel and Israel's subsequent military onslaught in the West Bank, Israel has been the victim of 10 significant computer hacking incidents."
Wow, ten hacking incidents? That'll teach Israel not to invade the West Bank.
I don't know about you, but I'd choose a cybercide bomber over a suicide bomber any day. And I'd choose fragmented TCP packets over fragmented body parts.
Innocence is the first casualty of a physical war -- and distance is the first casualty of a cyberwar. You can see bloodshed spilling into the U.S. if you know where to look for it. This snapshot shows what happened to the Zionist chili growers at TasteThePain.com. I suspect e-commerce will never fully recover from this devastating blow to our e-conomy.
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I'd choose a cybercide bomber over a suicide bomber. And I'd choose fragmented TCP packets over fragmented body parts.
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Now you know why demoted White House fearmonger Richard Clarke announced he would launch "covert action [or overt] military action" against the cyber-terrorist who masterminded the attack on TasteThePain.com.
I ASKED "ENIAC," the deadly hacker, how he could so easily destroy TasteThePain.com without killing himself in the process.
"I used a vulnerability in their shopping cart system," he revealed. Let the record show: this gifted youngster is a diabolical genius! Suicide bombers could learn a lesson from this guy. Oh, how I long for the blissful peace of the transistor age...
Memo to D.K. Matai: button up and tighten your lip. Keep a check on what you say. Those crazy words you fling from your mouth will bounce back on you some day.
[Credit where due: I stole the "joie de vivre" and "crazy words" lines from a Howard Jones song.]
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