The name's Sonny Crockett, and this is my partner, Ricardo Tubbs. It's been nine years since Miami Vice was cancelled, but we're not letting it slow us down. We're living it up big time. I sold the sailboat, Tubbs found his brother's killer, we left Miami... you know. Trans- continental, baby. Well, trans- nation, right, man?

What are we doing these days? Well, quite frankly, being around all those great drugs all the damn time... we had to give in eventually, baby. Yeah!! You can't cool the burn! Am I right, Tubbs? I mean, it's the 1990s, baby! What a great time we're living in!

I mean, it's Friday, and we're hangin' out in New York. We came here in search of better clubs, you know? I mean, Miami's got some kickin' dance music, but it's got nothin' on this shit, you know? And man, I'm a fuckin' freak on the dance floor! Goddamn!

In fact, we're headin' to Twilo right now, and what a goddamn feelin'. The hood is down, the bass is high, the wind is in my greased- up hair, and I didn't shave this morning so I could show off my trademark, prickly face. Drivin' my new boat-- a beautiful 1969 Galaxie 500 convertible, baby. Fuckin' shit, this baby tears it up! Tubbs'll vouch, won'tcha, man? It's a great goddamn ride. Got one hell of a stereo, too, you know?

And we got this smooth-ass shit thumpin' out the back, too. Somethin' Castillo recommended-- s'called the Odd Toot. Fucked up name, but it's really some hard- edged crap, you hear me? Fuckin' shit, man... this is the "You Belong To The City" of 1998, baby! It's all groove. You cross jazz and jungle, throw in some spacey keyboard effects... I'm talkin' to you, man. This is your thing.

Yeah, it opens a little slow-- there's this moron mumbling all this unintelligible stuff. You know, it takes like an hour for the song to kick in, but it's a great goddamn track once it's there. It's like sex in slo-mo, and you know what I mean by that, baby! Yeeeah! Am I right, Tubbs? Damn straight.

And I tell you what else. "Man In Black" is what I'm sayin'. It opens with this, like, real spacey vibe. It's all oozy and shit. Man, I feel like I'm in orbit. What's this shit you got me on, Tubbs? Oh, give me some of that methamphetamine shit, baby. Yes, lord! Then, with the snap of a finger, this rhythm moves in, and it's so fuckin' outta whack that I was trippin' all over myself dancin' to it. It was really freaky, man... really out there. I felt like one of them guys on that video game "Punch-Out," you know, when they get knocked down? You know... woowoowoo! Thud! Tubbs, you saw that shit, right, man? Fucking unreal!

Oh, yeah. The last track's the best. "Crank Up The Perhaps-A-Tron." I didn't name the shit. I'd have called it "Eagle Captain Fly Takes The Elastic Body Suit Fishing." 'Cause that's what it's like, you know? There's this funkyass, like, subtly disco bassline, this wild motherfucking drum track and what sounds like friggin' Eddie Van Halen playin' a violin with his teeth. It's outta control!

Aw, crap! Cops, motherfucker! What the shit, Tubbs? Hide the goods, you dumbfuck! I knew I shouldn't have been going 85, man. Aw, shit, dude... we are so busted. Just keep cool, man. Act like you got nothin' to hide...

-Ryan Schreiber