Theresa, my cleaning lady, told me that I was too uptight, and that she had just the thing to "loosen me up." She's crazy. Just 'cause I work for one of the most omniscient megaconglomerates in the world and have a fear of germs and sleep in rubber pants doesn't make me uptight, do you think? Anyway, she brought me a copy of Black Fork's Rock for Loot, and it's changed my life.

After I carefully cleaned the CD and case with rubbing alcohol and took off my rubber gloves, I placed it in my PC's CD-ROM player. From the speakers came the most unbelievable sound. I thought the player was broken at first, but after some diagnostics, realized that it was only Black Fork. There was this poor girl, screaming the words at an unimaginable pace and without any distinguishable concern for notes, meanwhile I could only imagine a spastic freak of a man madly banging on a drum set, sweat flying. Then there were the guitar and bass, working through sudden chord progressions that could only be described as hell's siren song. As I listened, the banal and anamalistic power had penetrated me in ways I never imagined. I got the first erection I've had since that incident in 8th grade! I had to shave the following morning! The more I listened, the more pain I felt as my ears absorbed the raw hormone- driven- angst- horsepower that banged from the speakers. I knew Theresa was right when I decided to by a pair of chaps. Punk!

-James P. Wisdom