It is January 2, 2000. The Y2K Bug has crippled America, leaving people with no portable electronic devices and freezing elevators in place, forcing the terrified citizens to use the stairs. In a cabin high in the Rockies two fugitives huddle together for warmth, while far below them in the crumbling urban areas the shit hits the Millennial fan. To keep their spirits up, they reminisce about the halcyon days of their now all- but- destroyed civilization: the late '90s.

"Justin, do you remember those pants everybody had? With the big pockets on the thighs?"

"Mmmmm. Cargo pants."

"I liked those. They were always olive. They had a sort of military flair."

"Yeah, I liked those, too. You could carry stuff."

"I used to keep my wallet in there after it became uncool to have chain wallets, but it banged against my leg when I walked and bruised me."

"Yeah that happened to me, too, Jenny. Hey, do you remember that thing that everybody taked about all the time, but it didn't really exist, and you couldn't really use it for anything, but nobody would let up about it? What was that called again?"

"Oh, the Internet. I don't miss that so much."

"Me neither. I tried it once, but I had to go downtown to the library to do it. I couldn't find any of the stuff I was looking for, and I had a paper due the next day."

"Whaddja do?"

"I just checked out some books. That seemed to work pretty well-- I finished my paper anyway. What else was there in the '90s, Jenny?"

"Oh! Justin, remember trip-hop?"

"Boy, do I ever. You couldn't escape from that stuff. Everybody was doing it."

"Did David Byrne do it?"

"Probably. I remember this one band called Weed-- man, they were pretty bad. A friend of mine loaned me their album, and he talked it up a lot, 'cause this band was Romanian, right?"

"Romanian trip-hop?"

"Right. Exactly. And he made a big deal about how it was trip-hop but they used a lot of obscure traditional instruments and it was all supposed to have this weird Balkan feel to it. But all that stuff was buried under these really boring beats. I think I might have heard a violin on one song."

"The violin is hardly an obscure traditional instrument, Justin. Didn't they have any of those bailazoukaminsters or whatever?"

"No, nothing like that. It just basically sounded like Curve, but if Dean Garcia had been replaced by Jerry Garcia. Or George Michael, maybe."

"Oh, that was sad when he died."

"George Michael didn't die, Jenny, he just came out."

"Not George Michael-- Jerry. It was sad when Jerry died. Could I have some more water crackers and brie, please? I'm hungry."

"Jenny, we're out of brie."

"Oh. Oh, hold me."

-Zach Hooker