Hello, you snot- nosed young evil-doers! This is Duane's grandpa, Eugene Ambroz. Duane is taking a brief break from review writing. Seems he's busy with some crap about contemplating his lovelife. You stupid kids these days. In my days we just kissed 'em, said "I love you," and stuck 'em in the kitchen barefoot. My damn grandson is full of romantic, poetic, idealistic crap. Like this damned CD he gave me to review, Dandelion Wine. Took me 30 minutes to figure out how to work the damn CD player contraption. I remember the old days when you put down a 78 and played it 'til it was full of scratches. None of this digital crap with perfect sound. Who needs it?

So this CD is by some group called D+. The first thought upon listening is, "What the hell is this crap?" If a teacher was grading this as a final exam, a D+ is what it would earn. My grandson would say, "It's a typical offering from K records, milking minimalist pop for every last drop." That's all a bunch of cow pies. This junk is brooding, plodding, and dreary. It's nothing but a guitar being plucked poorly and some drums being played by the guy who smashes in the heads of cattle at the stockyards-- and I'll be dammed if the singer doesn't sound like some old cartoon character. Dandelion Seeds is worse than the old- folks home that bastard grandson of mine had me locked up in for two years.

These young punks do a lot of complaining and griping about the world. In "Green Party," they talk about giving beavers machine guns and eagles hand grenades. Bah! Let 'em adapt to people! And if they can't, well... it's tough titties on them. They should be extinct. On "Profits Are Soaring," they complain about white- collar America, and narrow- minded bosses. Well, kids, did you have to ever deal with cops beating you down when you were striking for something as simple as health benefits? You shits have it way too easy these days. If you snot- noses went through ten percent of what I had to go through, you'd all be a bunch of blubbering babies.

Huckleberry Hound! That's the cartoon character I couldn't think of before.

Dandelion Seeds is nothing but whining and complaining. And if that's not enough, we get to hear some offshoots of D+-- some outfits called the Microphones and Karl Blau. Other than different voices, you can't tell the difference between any of them. Blau's last track, a quirky Spike Jones set- up called "A Sweet Reminiscence," is the only thing that comes close to being interesting. Too little too late kids. Your CD had me slackjawed and drooling on myself. More than normal, I mean. Paul Harvey isn't dead yet. We don't need a new "Voice of Doom." Someone should slap these punks and tell them, "There's something wrong with you!"

-Duane Ambroz

"Green Party"

[Real Audio Stream]