What I wouldn't give right now for one of those Mexican Lucha wrestling masks that the members of Los Straitjackets have worn and made their unique, inimitable gimmick ever since they formed in 1995.

The reason? As I type this review tonight, I'm covered in poison ivy blisters-- a gift from my son. My right eye is swollen completely shut. The left ear on my head is a carbuncled, misshapen mess of pustules. And the massive open, raw sore behind my right knee has been oozing a clear, oily fluid since yesterday afternoon. Essence of ivy, I'm sure. I haven't gone out in public in two days. The skin on my face has the appearance and texture of red, hard leather. Yes, a wrestling mask is exactly what I need, but in all honesty, donning one probably wouldn't change my current appearance all that much.

Why am I sitting here writing this review instead of heading to the hospital or doctor's office for a badly needed shot of corticosteroids? (Tomorrow, I swear.) Because we here at Pitchfork are that fucking dedicated! We're gonna bring you the music reviews come hell or high water. Or Rhus radicans.

Recorded live last summer at the Foothill Tavern in Long Beach, California, ˇDamas y Caballeros! is Los Straitjackets in their natural element-- in front of an audience. Some bands, like the Straitjackets and the Pietasters, can only be experienced live. To hear their recorded output is to witness only a fraction of their appeal and magnetism. Luckily, this record is a very true account of the showmanship that Los Straitjackets possess, even after being processed onto plastic. Given my current miserable state, I noted with delicious irony that they included "Itchy Chicken" from their 1995 debut, The Utterly Fantastic and Totally Unbelievable Sound of Los Straitjackets. A fan-favorite, but nowhere near as good as "Tailspin" or "Lynxtail" (both also included) from the same album, the song is hyper-faithful to the studio original, along with just about every other one on ˇDamas y Caballeros!

The track selection mixes in a fair amount of slow numbers, including "Pacifica" from their second album, Viva Los Straitjackets, and an oldie standard, "Sleepwalk," which gives the whole album a pleasant variety that you wouldn't at first expect from a Straitjackets disc. "Casbah" is more proof that a great surf instrumental doesn't have to be a balls-to-the-wall, all-out frenzy; the song has a mid-tempo, catchy bounce to it. And with its barrage of 64th notes, their version of Eddie and the Showman's "Squad Car" evokes the Dick Dale era and style more than the Ventures, who tended to be a larger influence on Los Straitjackets. "Calhoun Surf" is perfect example of a modern updating of the latter's sound, with the classic surf up-and-down rhythm guitar going through a descending chord progression.

Stacked with plenty of covers, as I believe a live show should be, some of the best tracks on ˇDamas y Caballeros! are the unexpected ones: "Last Date" (originally by country demigod Floyd Cramer), a nice version of Louie Prima's "Sing Sing Sing," and the track that made the largest stylistic jump (but one of the most successful) over to the instrumental surf treatment: Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On (Love Theme from Titantic)." In the hands of Los Straitjackets, the song goes from adult contemporary lite to sublime, driving Spanish-tinged pop awash in tremolos, and complete with a country-funk, break-it-down bridge and haunting "ahh's" in the outro. If that isn't proof that the songs themselves are innocent victims, I don't know what is.

Though consummate musicians, every one of them, the performer who distinguishes himself the most in this 60-minute live set is Jimmy Lester, whose drumming is almost as inspired as his exaggerated, rapido Spanish song introductions. Technically speaking, ˇDamas y Caballeros! is one of the best live albums I've heard in a long while. Both in terms of the pure clarity of sound and the evenness of the mix, and in the faithfulness to what one of their shows is like, it's by all accounts the next best thing to being there.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go bathe in Caladryl.

-John Dark