The three- minute pop song may be the crowning achievement of Western civilization: bitter lyrics wrapped in a sticky- sweet melody, a Zen- like riff that burrows into the deepest recesses of one's brain, and the alchemy of guitar, bass, and drums fitting together with jigsaw perfection. Perhaps someday humanity will create the perfect pop song; when that day comes, we will broadcast it to the rest of the universe as a message of greeting to all other forms of intelligent life, and then aliens will come and destroy Earth because they can't get that fucking song out of their huge alien heads.

Imperial Teen probably won't be the band to write that perfect pop song, but they're trying. To be sure, they have a keen grasp of pop song aesthetics, but so far, their music doesn't add up to any more than the sum of its parts. It's puzzling that so many music critics are so taken with them; when their first album Seasick was released, the story was less about the music and more about the band itself ("It's the keyboard player from Faith No More, and he's in a power-pop band! And he's gay! And he's writing songs about Kurt Cobain!"). Perhaps said critics were just nostalgic for the heady days of new wave bubblegum, and Imperial Teen were the closest thing to it. But the story doesn't change much on What is Not to Love; Imperial Teen continue their rocksteady dedication to guitar pop with a jaded, sexy edge to it, but like Seasick, it's strictly a two- weeker. You'll listen to it for two weeks straight, let it drive you nuts, and then you'll never listen to it again.

It's not such a bad fate, really. You do get your money's worth, after all. You'll understand why so many people compare Imperial Teen to the Breeders ("Lipstick," "The Beginning"). You'll listen to "Alone in the Grass" and wonder if they owe Sonic Youth royalties. You'll either love or hate Will Schwartz's pouty whine, but at the least, you'll appreciate how his voice can make or break a song (compare the irresistible slither of "Yoo Hoo" to the obnoxious overload of "Year of the Tan"). You'll be a bit surprised to see that Imperial Teen can maintain their bored sneer and still spin out some Galaxie 500-ish tenderness ("Beauty"). You'll listen to What is Not to Love and ask yourself, "What is not to love about this album?" And before long, you'll realize that while there's a lot to like about it, there isn't actually a lot to love.

-Nick Mirov