Julio!

Sure, I know what you're thinking: "To all the girls I've loved before..." (Doesn't the thought of Willie Nelso boning give you the heebie jeebies? Yeah, me too.) Put those thoughts away, put on your tux, and soak up the vibrant if somewhat overproduced sounds of Tango, an album of.... um, tango music.

Your mom will love you forever if you give her this one, even though she may not understand a single fucking word of it. I didn't, so I made up some dirty lyrics to go along with songs like "El Choclo" (to me, that one's "The Enormous Cock of Jason Josephes Strikes Another Blow for the Tango Concubines of the Northern Hemisphere"), "Volver" ("Viva la Vulva," which again I had to translate into "Fisting Is Just Another Way of Saying I Love You"), "Caminito" ("Come On, Now, It's Only a Flesh Wound"), and the most- definitely- will- get- you- laid classic "El Dia Que Me Quieras" ("This Song Will Get You Laid"). Viva Julio!

-Jason Josephes