In the opening moments of "Variations on a Theme by Wagner," Graham Haynes makes a simple statement to you, the listener. He throws down an epic musical gauntlet made up of high-flown orchestral notes, a driving jungle beat and dissonant coronet that undeniably challenges you. It asks, with the mighty thunderous voice of Thor: "Are you willing to ignore your musical preconceptions and let go, measly hu-man?"

"Wh-what?" you stutter, shrinking in the face of this mighty challenge. "B-but, how will I review it, mighty Thor?" you cower. There is no answer. Instead, you are submerged in a pool of mellow jazz bass-beat, sweet coronet notes and the mildly frenetic drum beat of "Variation No. 2." Do you:

Listen to Track 5, "Inn a Moist," and contemplate its significance in the context of current trance music? Pg. 128

Ask Thor what he expects from a mere hu-man? Pg. 72

Decide to spend some quality time with yourself, put on the sparse, dissonant ambiance of "Red Zone," disrobe and violate yourself in ways you have only heard about? Pg. 113

Go searching the Internet for review fragments on the album, splice them together and hope Thor doesn't notice? Pg. 27

Do battle with the cacophonous voices in your head and try to write a competent review? Pg. 191

Pg. 191
It is no matter what choice you make. Still, there's the eclectic, genre-hopping fusion filled with moments of jazz, experimental post-rock drones, drifting ambient notes, heavy beats, jungle rhythms and Graham Haynes' omnipresent coronet. You look up to find yourself in a large room, surrounded by several doors. The drum-n-bass percussion and Graham's hanging coronet notes on "Telluride" do battle in the air around you. A thrum can be felt through the floor, as if you are on a ship. Do you:

Exit through one of the open doors? Pg. 67

Lie down and imagine beautiful places far away, where all music is merged, dogs and cats live together, and you can feel the thrum of the beats through the floor? Pg. 36

Take the lotus position and ponder the meaning of life? Pg. 82

Take leftmost closed door? Pg. 19

Pg. 19
You take the leftmost door and fall into what seems to be a wormhole, or a tear in the space-time continuum. You have the feeling of great motion, yet utter stillness as swirling colors surround you and the ambient tides of "Climate" engulf you. After what seems like an eternity of lapping sound and rubbery beat, you find yourself in "Revamp," bringing you out of the wormhole as "Inn a Moist" is revisited. You take a great heave of air and find yourself in darkness. Do you:

Sit, wondering whatever happened to Thor? Pg. 201

Walk in concentric circles from your spot, your mind afire with the pleasurable eclectic excesses of BPM? Pg. 138

End the review? Pg. 90

Carefully remember the name and the title: Graham Haynes, BPM. You say it over and over, thinking about jazz and drum-n-bass and ambient and DJ, and how it skirts all of those classifications by being the best of many? Pg. 211

Pg. 90
THE END

-James P. Wisdom