John: Boo, wanker!

Paul: John! I thought you were dead.

John: Of course I'm dead. I'm just back for a while to haunt the shit out of the assholes at VH-1 for making that awful movie about us.

Paul: Oh.

John: What is this shite you're listening to?

Paul: The Green Pajamas.

John: The what?

Paul: The Green Pajamas. They're a psychedelic band from Seattle. I like the harmonies!

John: The harmonies are fine... what's this song called?

Paul: Let's see: "My Visit With Magpie."

John: Does this song have more than two chords?

Paul: I think there's a third one in there somewhere.

John: I don't hear one.

Paul: Calm down, John, the song's just about over...

John: Now this is more like it. Four full chords! And I like the lyrics. Dark. Which song is this?

Paul: Uh... "She Doesn't Love You Anymore."

John: I like it. Good riff.

Paul: Here comes the bridge...

John: What the fock is this?! Why is it that today's singers seem infatuated with sounding like there's a pillow over their fookin' 'eads?! The reverb and chorus were bad enough-– this is just ridiculous!

Paul: Alright then, we'll skip a few. How about this one? "Planet Love."

John: This is getting boring...

Paul: The lyrics are pretty.

John: Are you even fucking listening?! This song's about death!

Paul: John, I'm pretty sure it's about love.

John: It's not bad, it just sounds like everything else so far.

Paul: I thought you'd like this.

John: I never said I liked it. The effects are starting to piss me off. Too much reverb. This whole album sounds like it was recorded inside a fucking cave.

Paul: Alright, try this one: "Still Never Away."

John: Hey, Paul, I kind of like this.

Paul: It sounds Baroque, dunnit?

John: If it ain't Baroque, don't fix it! Eh, wait a second... did the song just change? I can't tell.

Paul: Um... yes. This is the title track.

John: Where have I heard that melody before?

Paul: Maybe in one of my songs...

John: Not likely!

Paul: Well, you know, when you hear a really good melody, oftentimes you feel as if you've heard it before.

John: A fucking stolen melody has the same effect, ya bloody wanker.

Paul: Well, I guess so. But George Martin once told me...

John: You know, Paul, I have to say I'm really starting to get into this. What song is this?

Paul: The last one? It's called "High Waving Heather." It's about Emily Bronte.

John: I kind of like this album. Good guitar... most people seem to have forgotten the concept of minor scales. What's the guitarist's name?

Paul: Jeff Kelly. He's also the lead singer.

John: He's not so bad. I'd probably like him a bit more if he weren't trying so hard to sound like me.

Paul: Actually, John, I think he's trying to sound like me.

John: You wanna see me dick?

Paul: Sorry, John. I just really think he's trying to sound like...

John: Look at me dick!

Paul: Put that away!

-Matt LeMay