As you may know, last year was extraordinarily busy for the Pitchfork staff. When we weren't feverishly churning out Modest Mouse and Radiohead propaganda to the indie masses, we were working just as diligently behind the scenes-- constructing elaborate altars, carving votives statues, performing propitiatory rites, and making midnight blood sacrifices to Isaac Brock and Thom Yorke. Well, I kept up my end of the bargain. Still, I've yet to see a busload of redhead nubile handmaids pull up to my house, or the promised air-drop of $7B in cash, or any significant increase in my hoops vert.

While I sit here waiting for divine gratitude to knock, I'll fill you in on a story you may have missed in the news-heavy clamor of year 2000. It was recently revealed that, after countless trials, the geneticists that brought the world Dolly the Sheep were finally successful in splicing the DNA of Kathleen Hanna with that of George Thorogood. Stranger still: in a shocking coup for inter-species relations, the resulting embryo was brought to terms by Glenn Danzig's pet wolf. After weaning the infant off wolf's milk and her steady diet of Misfits lullabies, the men in lab-coats whisked the child off to an orphanage in Searcy, Arkansas, where she was assigned a new identity. Beth, as she was named, matured much faster than her creators could have anticipated. Then, one night, under a full yellow moon... she vanished!

Well, maybe in a more perfect world. But it sure as hell beats the group's official bio from Kill Rock Stars: "Beth's pop-gospel voice evokes years of rough ridin' in love's fast lane, seeing things that would make a lesser person hit the brakes and have a breakdown." That has serious theme-song potential if they ever come through on that Joan Jett and Pat Benetar sitcom they've been promising us. But not for much else.

So, what does the Gossip sound like? In all seriousness, the Olympia-by-way-of-Arkansas transplants really do sound like a vaguely punker, female-fronted version of George Thorogood and the Destroyers. At its growliest, Beth's voice recalls Danzig's early solo work. And, in keeping with a current trend, this is a bassless outfit. Though Nathan (no, they don't have last names) holds his own on guitar, the sparse setup wears out quickly. There's only so much sonic dynamic you can wring out of one barely varied blues-riff and Spartan drumming. About 24 minutes' worth to be exact.

Unappealing as this admixture might look on paper, there's something a bit refreshing and fun about That's Not What I Heard. Just not enough to pay for it. Like nature, music abhors a vacuum; I guess you could chalk it up to "the world was primed for this sort of thing." Though I couldn't honestly recommend this album, I'm sure you'd find yourself humming any one of these songs long after the record has ended. If you like your records with value range, though, look elsewhere; as with Thorogood and Danzig, all these songs basically sound the same. Sometimes handclaps punctuate the E-G-E blues riffs, and maybe a subtle harmony, but basically, it's your standard heard-one-heard-'em-all fare.

The Gossip was recently awarded the opening slot on a national tour with labelmates Sleater-Kinney. If they know what's good for them, they'll tour their asses off and sell themselves on the basis of their live performance. It's that sort of music. That is, the kind of music that you wouldn't think of buying if it weren't that the memory of a good live performance tipped the scales in their favor. If all goes well, they can shoot a video in a pool hall with a cameo by B.B. King and his Jack Daniels bottle-shaped guitar.

-Camilo Arturo Leslie