In a little over 200 years, Americans have learned to live with the freedom of expression guaranteed in the Bill of Rights. Pioneers and martyrs like Larry Flynt, Robert Mapplethorpe, and Luther Campbell have taught us, through laborious trial and error, that just because you can say or do something, it doesn't necessarily mean you should. We don't know much about the history of Norwegian civil rights legislation. We're not sure how long Norwegians have enjoyed the same liberties as we have. But we do know one thing: these rights should be revoked, and soon, if Oslo-based Gluecifer's Get the Horn EP is in any way representative of the Norwegian zeitgeist. Some people will tell you there's a time and a place for everything. This is false. The world does not need Gluecifer under any circumstances-- at least, not based on this EP.

On Get the Horn, desultory guitar solos abound. The melodies are encased in a guitar patina so thick even Fu Manchu would be ashamed to call these songs their own. And frontbeast, Biff Malibu, spits lyrics so predictably bad it makes you wonder if they just got a bad translation. Even the cover art, depicting a guitar player donning his instrument in an obnoxiously phallic fashion with a fire blazing in the background, is laughably misguided. Are you interested yet?

The boys in Gluecifer get two points for musical competency (in that they can play their instruments), but put up a quadruple-bogey on the jackass hole. As rock music, Get the Horn fails, and succeeds only as an example of what music should not be. To boil things down, Gluecifer's music is interesting, not as music, but as an argument for retooling U.S. foreign policy in favor of preemptive air strikes against bad Norwegian bands.

-Beatty & Garrett