Let's talk about the future. I've always been afraid of making any kind of predictions regarding future technology, considering how ridiculous predictions of today's technology tend to be. You know what I'm talking about. Time travel, flying cars, Robocop-– all of these are things we really should have gotten around to by the big 2000.

But forget about the talking toasters, robot maids, and flying skateboards. Right now, there's only one technological advancement I'd really like to see by the time I kick off: interactive CDs. I'm not talking about those "enhanced" CDs, where you pay two extra bucks so that your new CD can also serve as a hyperlink to the record company's web page. I'm talking about real interactivity-- the kind where, at the push of a button, you can cause an artist to materialize right in front of you.

As soon as this technology becomes available, the first thing I'm gonna do is pop in an interactive copy of A Lull in Traffic and beam Chris Simpson's whiny emo-loving ass into my living room. Then I can pump him full of caffeine, crank, and whatever other stimulants are available, stick a guitar in his hands, and see what he does. Because I get the feeling that without some serious chemical assistance, his music will be forever limited to the kind of sludgy drivel found on this record.

The title of A Lull in Traffic's third song pretty much sums up the entire record: "Tired and Uninspired." Over the course of its 23 minutes and 44 seconds, an increment of time pretentiously noted on the disc itself, the Gloria Record squeezes some of the most lugubrious, homogenized emo you should ever have to listen to. And while I get the feeling this disc is designed to be a tear-jerker, it seems all too calculated to produce any kind of genuine emotion in the listener. Unless you consider Hollywood formula dramas like "City of Angels" to be masterpieces, the musical clichés on A Lull in Traffic will probably move you about as much as a broken leg.

Come to think of, the Gloria Record does oftentimes sound quite a bit like the Goo Goo Dolls, especially on the title track. That's not a good thing, you know? I mean, I have to admit, it's kind of comforting that you can anticipate every trite chord change before it happens, but is it really what you want to spend your $10 on?

The Gloria Record's website claims that the band really loves Radiohead. And some of the production on A Lull in Traffic sounds kinda like Radiohead... maybe. Yes, it's dense and chock full of some pretty interesting guitar and synthesizer sounds. Their drummer is pretty good, too. Occasionally, Chris Simpson even sounds a little bit like Thom Yorke. But Simpson's painful over-emoting is never half as convincing as Thom's. Also, Simpson's lyrics are absolutely inane, and at times border on infuriating. On the upside, you probably won't be paying enough attention for the lyrics to bother you.

-Matt LeMay