Diane Sawyer: So how long have you been tornado chasing?

Brent: Life just can't be all rock and roll. Life can't be spent typing in front of a computer. I started tornado chasing a few months ago as a welcome reprieve from the hectic world of music criticism. A way to forget about all the hate mail.

Diane: Fascinating.

Brent: But rock and roll is my life. So I like to bring along music when I tornado chase. You have no idea how it feels to gun down a Missouri highway, green sky, stereo blaring, twister about 100 yards starboard...

Diane: What's this we're listening to now?

Brent: Oh! This is the new Fugazi record, End Hits. Fugazi is all I listen to when I chase tornados.

Diane: Ooo! I love Ian MacKaye's raspy voice. I like that older song where he screams, "We owe you nothing! You have no control!" I can see why you'd listen to them during tornado chasing. In essence, a tornado is pretty "punk." Somewhat "D.I.Y." Tornados don't follow rules.

Brent: Nicely put... Now hold on! Fasten your seatbelt! See that formation over there? A twister is spinning down out of that!

Diane: Oh my!

Brent: Are you scared?

Diane: Wha? Oh. No. This song is just incredible.

Brent: Yeah! This is "Place Position." The drumming on this record is much more driving. It's total splashing cymbals and thick John Bonham- meets- Jamaica riffs. The percussion shifts from massive rock to rolling dub.

Diane: This "Place Position" riff is simultaneously technical and head- banging.

Brent: If you look out your window, you'll see the twister sucking fish out of a lake.

Diane: Yeah. So this next song is a drastic departure! It's quite pretty.

Brent: It's undulating. It's smooth. Fugazi is no longer content to chug out searing riffs. The guitars on this album are much more complex. They range from intricate speed picking to subdued distortion control to delicate noise. It's beautiful when you hear the two guitars dancing separately around a sharp melody and then come together into a forceful attack. It's a lot like when two baby tornados hug and form a giant twister.

Diane: That's beautiful.

Brent: Oh well, thanks...

Diane: No, I meant this song.

Brent: This is "Caustic Acrostic."

Diane: It reminds me of Jawbox's For Your Own Special Sweetheart.

Brent: Totally! With that treble-y picking and tumbling rhythm. It rocks. The song before was my favorite, "Five Corporation." Full of bile and sass. It's like Iggy Pop's Lust For Life on speed. It makes you want to smash a car with a tire iron, but surprisingly makes your hips swing. It's crusty, crushing swing...

Diane: Watch out! That tornado is getting close!!

Brent: Don't worry, that's just a Steady Diet of Nothing- class twister.

Diane: What's that mean?

Brent: I classify twisters by Fugazi albums. Instead of that F1, F2, F3, F4, F5 scale. An End Hits tornado... now that's something to be scared of.

Diane: Is that to say that the other Fugazi albums are weak?

Brent: Oh, no, no, no! Contrary. All other bands are thunderstorms. Some are drizzles. Some are tropical storms. But Fugazi continues to be the only tornado. Even at their most quiet, delicate, and melodic, they could pick a Buick up off the road. They just ooze sincerity. End Hits is the culmination of a decade of service-- their most sonically varied, thematically uniform album yet. The technical skills have gotten even better. And now they're not afraid to mix in vocal effects, pedal effects, dub, melodic scales, etc. It's like an F5 that picks up everything in its path, whirling it together into an unstoppable force that can strip the skin off cattle.

Diane: It's nice to see that their message is still the same.

Brent: Of course. Fugazi albums are necessary alternatives to the khaki- slacked kakistocracy of corporate album rock. End Hits is a vital release, Diane. Pre- millenial punk from wise veterans. An album that is surprisingly the most experimental and most listenable. But perhaps for Fugazi, mass- listenablity is experimental.

Diane: I bet Sam Donaldson would even like the haunted, yet pretty, "Pink Frosty."

Brent: But enough about Fugazi. Even though it is the best thing I've heard all year, this interview is about me...

-Brent DiCrescenzo