Sperm banks are a mecca for unattractive women who want to pump out Ugly, Jr. to share in the wonder of life. That's all fine and good, except some higher power already did good by rigging the system to shut 'em out. There are enough homely people in the world and if you don't believe me, look in the mirror. I've seen the lot of you, and chances are, you're uglier than me. If people aren't ugly, they're infertile, and that's nature's way of letting you know that you weren't meant to be His Holiness' personal Kinko's. Ugly or not, the women who score a date with the turkey baster just long to do what everybody else can already do.

Forgive my tangent, but the same concept applies to any band that thinks the rhythm section is just filler. Bands like Fluf. Frontman O. (short for Otis) remains, but the mighty Fluf of days gone by is no more. Drummer Jonny and bassist Miles have gone the way of the dodo, only to be replaced by Bruce Kulick and Eric Carr, er... I mean a couple of no- names. I hear you, Chester, and your "Who cares about the rhythm section of a punk rock band?" I do. I seriously do when their latest release is missing the fistful of balls they used to pack. "Sticky Bun," "All the Fuckers Live in Newport Beach," "Waffles," "Peanut Butter..." I could go on with the names of great Fluf tunes, but none of them would be from Road Rage, and none of them would be spurred on by a near medieval rhythm section.

So, what we're left with-- aside from the mostly good lead off track "J'in it On the Net"-- is frontman O's usual bellyaching (and he's got gut like Tad, mind you) delivered with nary a flame and many a simper. Note to O: Drop that turkey baster 'cause you ain't gonna plant seed one with this... um, turkey.

-Jason Josephes

"J'in it On the Net"

[Real Audio Stream]