Rrrring! "Hello?"

"Hi, Zach."

"Hey, man, what's up?"

"Not much. Just chillin'. What's up with you?"

"Oh, you know, I'm just sitting here reading and listening to a CD for Pitchfork."

"Yeah? What's it like?"

"Oh, man, you have to check this out. It's amazing. There's so much going on at once-- all these, like, threads that weave in and out and through each other. It's like a fugue, y'know, it's contrapuntal and shit. It's complex. Whattayacallit. Baroque."

"Baroque? Really? Is there a harpsichord?"

"No, but there's a pipe organ. Lots of pipe organ references. It's all about the presets, right? How a pipe organ can in essence turn itself into different instruments via the presets. Oh, and there's a glockenspiel, but it kinda gets melted."

"They melt a glockenspiel? Is it like Einsturzende Nuebauten or something?"

"Um, sure, I guess. I mean, insofar as there are a lot of explosions and aircraft engines and stuff. But other than that, not really. Although, I guess Shaftoe going on and on about the giant lizard might fit in that category, too."

"Shaftoe is the singer?"

"No, Shaftoe is the Marine."

"What, is this the Village People or something?"

"Well, no. No, not really that. No, I don't know where you'd get that. I mean, the Village People never really succeeded in... hell, even attempted to blend haiku and math and war and microwave transmissions and bicycles and on and on like that. I mean, the Village People have never helped me to understand modular arithmetic like... oh. Ohhh, you were asking about the music! I was talking about the book! Yeah, the music sucks."

"It does?"

"Yeah. Blows. Floraline is like No Doubt if No Doubt were more like Abba."

"Ewww. So, but the book is good, yes?"

"Yeah. Amazing. "Cryptonomicon." It's like Flann O'Brien if Flann O'Brien were more like Thomas Pynchon."

"So, basically, you're saying..."

"Read this book now. Never ever listen to this CD. Right. You wanna go get some lunch?"

"Sure. I'll be right over." Click.

-Zach Hooker