Well, it's summer time and you know what that means: Thongs. God help me, I'm an assman for life. Gimme two fine flesh panels parted by a slender strap of nylon and I'm the happiest man with a thong clad ass in my face this side of Luke Skyywalker. (The one from 2 Live Crew, not Mark Hamill.) I want more ass than a donkey breeder, more butt than a Camel Wide, and more cheek than Mount Rushmore. Fuckin' A right, I love thongs!

This album is called Things. Unlike a thong, you put this in a CD player. Also unlike a thong, it sounds good when you crank it up. Originally released in the late '60s, this is folk rock a la Buffalo Springfield and the Byrds with the slightly darker undertones of Canada's finest, the Guess Who.

You're gonna like this more than classic rock, though, because most of these songs haven't been rotated to death on classic rock radio. But you know what the biggest difference is between Things and Thongs? Man, these guys are ugly. If anything, they look like the inside of a sloppy person's thong. They put the "kee" into "Kee-rist! You guys are ugly!" I'm surprised the Fotomat dude didn't die of shock. They're not very attractive. Get my drift?

-Jason Josephes