Jason Falkner: Hello, my name is Jason, and I'm a former frontman.

Other frontmen: Hi, Jason.

Jason: I really don't know why I'm here. Well, okay, I know why I'm here, but I don't think I have a problem. It's just that, ever since my band Jellyfish split up, I can't stay out of the studio. I keep making these songs and putting out these records, and then I wait, and wait, and wait. But they never come.

Soundgarden's Chris Cornell: Who never comes?

Jason: The people, man! The people never come. I don't know why. They just don't seem to know I'm here. I never went away, so why did the people go away?

Miles Hunt (of the Wonder Stuff): Because they don't care. Trust me, friend, I played empty stinking clubs half of last year, and all I got was free beer.

Jason: Yeah but... but... I'm special. People loved me when I was in Jellyfish. I mean, we didn't sell a lot of records, but the critics liked us.

Living Colour's Corey Glover: Doesn't matter. Once you get rid of that band name, you're no better than shit on a horse's hooves. People don't care... nobody cares.

Jason: Maybe not for you, Body Glove, but I'm different. I sound like a baritone Jeff Buckley. I know how to make pop songs that are both lush and longing. Pulp tragedies, if you will.

Frank Black: Hey, man. I was a fuckin' star! I was the frontman for the greatest band ever! I carried Kim Deal and those other pansyass motherfuckers on my back! They lived off the fruits of my labor! Ungrateful bastards. Jellyfish wasn't even that great. So you had a couple of big songs. Woopdy shit! I have a whole collection of good songs, and look at me now. I'm a fatass, washed-up nobody with less fans than Kim Deal's sister! So how's about you just shut the hell up and deal with it like the rest of us. Besides, those "lush" songs you brag about aren't that great. Sounds like Brian Wilson serenading Herbie the Love Bug if you ask me.

Jason: I don't need this. I'm an artist. The people will come around. It'll just take time. Late bloomer. That's it, I'm a late bloomer. Or a Creeping Charlie. Yeah, I'll creep up on people and before they know it I'll be all over them until they can't escape. And I'll suffocate them with my orchestra and my Sgt. Pepper psychedelia. They'll love me! Everyone will love me!

Josh Clayton-Felt (of School of Fish): No, they won't. Believe me, it's over. You may as well call your mom and tell her you're moving into her basement next week, because the people will never love you. It doesn't matter how hard you try. You're yesterday's news-- birdcage liner.

Jason: Who the hell are you?

Josh: Exactly.

-Shan Fowler