Over the past couple of weeks, I've been thinking a lot about originality. And I've come to a conclusion: it's not all that difficult to be original. I could mic myself taking a shit and splice it with a tape of crickets chirping and a xylophone track, and the result would be 100% original. It would suck, but it would be original. (Actually, it'd probably sound something like the Music Tapes.) So, here's a question: what happens when you combine homemade instruments, electronic samples, radio clips from the 1930's, and the stupid lyrics and weak melodies that are have become so commonplace in today's popular music? Empire State. And believe me, it ain't pretty.

Certainly, bizarre instruments and samples can greatly enhance a band's sound. They can even make a good album great. But they can't save a bad album, and they can't cover up a bad melody. I don't care how many obscure or archaic instruments are playing the same two chords-- it's still two chords. And while endless drones can be amazingly interesting at times, the instrumental stuff on this album is just plain boring. It lacks the subtleties and intricacies needed to make a dense yet simple song work. (For more information on making dense yet simple songs work, do yourself a favor and pick up Yo La Tengo's new album instead of this one.)

Lyrically, Empire State shows the wit and maturity of a retarded mole rat. In this world of unforgivable lyrics, "Lying on the ground/ Looking all around/ Looking up down" ranks right up there with LFO's "New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits/ Chinese food makes me sick," only not as funny. Want some more meaningful lyrics? Cue up "Pie Plate," and pay close attention to the insightful prose: "Take to the night in this flight in the night," and the rousing chorus, "Breathe into a paper bag/ Hyperventilation!" While some bands can pull off stupid lyrics masterfully, the fact that the melodies on this album-– if you can even call them that-– couldn't carry the best of lyrics makes these painfully dumb lines even worse. "Scenic Overlook," with its lame, derivative chord progression, insipidly stupid lyrics ("Do not leave your vehicle unattended!"), and banal vocals, occasionally even recall Sugar Ray.

Still, Empire State isn't as offensive as other botched attempts at experimental rock. As a matter of fact, the album, for the most part, makes perfectly innocuous background music, as long as you don't pay too much attention to the lyrics. But when there's so much good music floating around out there, a band like Empire State serves very little purpose. If I want unusual instruments and great sampling, I'll listen to the Beta Band. If I want childish, meaningless lyrics, I'll turn on the fucking radio. But even in a moment of complete desperation, I wouldn't turn to Empire State.

-Matt LeMay