Guten auben, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Couch factory, where our four workers diligently craft the finest post-rock in Munchen. I am Josef, your friendly tour guide. Please direct all questions to me. I see that we're all here, so I'll begin the tour now.

You are currently standing in our fabulous lobby, which is kept austere and free of any unnecessary decoration for fear of frightening the workers. If you will look around carefully, you will notice that the entire building is of a rigid, stainless steel construction, to be in further keeping with the aesthetic principles of our product.

If you will follow me through these doors, you will find the Couch museum, which celebrates the history of Couch. The band was originally formed in 1993, and has released two full-length albums, in addition to a compilation of early material. Each release has improved incrementally on its forerunners by further refining Couch's base musical elements, which we will discuss later. If you look to your right, you will see a blank wall. Further down the hall, you will see a spider plant. The plant's name is Hans. Recently, Couch have been making attempts to make their music a bit easier to live in, and we think the plant reflects that nicely, ja?

As we exit this brightly lit corridor through the door which lies ahead, I'd like you all to note the simplicity of each design element in the door, and also how each one is absolutely integral to the door's function. There is no waste here. This next room is the office space of Couch bassist Michael Heilrath, the primary designer of all Couch material. The neat stack of papers in the corner of the desk is the complete set of songs for the latest Couch design, Profane. But rest assured, none of these songs will be offending the religious right; they are purely studies of rhythm and texture, and not in the least bit profane.

You may each have a drink from the water cooler before we continue. Please throw your used cups in the small metal trash receptacle by the desk. We cannot have any clutter, you know. Now, when everyone has had their drink of water, we will proceed into the Couch workshop, where the magic happens. Remember, people, it can get loud in here. The dynamic shifts, though deliberate and carefully planned, can be sudden, so I want to see earplugs.

The first stop on our workshop tour is the bench of Jurgen Soder, the Couch guitarist. He specializes in clean-toned riffs that critics like to describe as angular, despite the fact that this word has no musical connotation. Though Soder is impeccably skilled on his instrument, he is happy to remain on the periphery, enhancing the music with his presence, but never intruding on the spotlight. In fact, none of the members ever really step into the spotlight at all, preferring to keep their music subtle and repetitive.

Next, we come to the station of drummer Thomas Geltinger, who is currently hard at work synching himself up with the subtle programming that Couch has recently been injecting into their sound. He's doing an excellent job, too, hitting that snare just like he was a metronome. Geltinger's drumming can switch easily from relaxed time-keeping to a full-on odd-metered groove in seconds flat, and this is part of where Couch's strength as a unit lies. The members have an intuitive sense of time and where it should go that has developed naturally from their eight years of playing together.

Now, you may all follow me to the next room, where keyboardist Stefanie Bohm is toiling with typical Northern European stoicism on the sounds she will use. Please do not touch any buttons or cords, as their placement is essential to the Couch sound. Miss Bohm's keyboards have always been the human connection in Couch's music, and in this newest phase, she has worked to create some very warm, unique sounds in the interest of making the Couch sound a bit more comfortable for listeners turned off by coldly studious rhythmic exercises. Her synthesizers are both the heart and atmosphere of Couch, although, like the other members, she never takes center stage.

Finally, we come to the bench of Michael Heilrath, who is adding his strongly melodic bass parts to Profane. Heilrath is the man ultimately responsible for giving the Couch sound direction, forming it into cohesive compositions. For Profane, he is working on his range a lot, moving swiftly from the low, trumpet-splashed groove of "Meine Marke" to "Kurzer Punkt," which is one of the loosest, most exuberant pieces Couch have ever created. Soder's guitar is allowed more free reign on this piece, while the drums, bass and organ froth underneath, in a display that is nearly visceral.

This tension is what we feel makes this newest Couch work their best yet. Couch create music that is not accessible for its overt emotional content, but rather for the tenable emotion that inevitably springs from Heilrath's otherwise academic studies of rhythm and texture. "Doch Endlich" even plays with building tension through the interplay of the bass and guitar, gathering steam like a freight train toward a barely restrained climax. It's really quite breathtaking, we think you'll find.

We have just two more stops on the tour. The first is the hall of influences and colleagues, which is simply a thinly veiled way of telling you the bands with which Couch's music shares affinity. First, there are the insistent rhythms of techno pioneers Neu, and post rockers like Slint, Stereolab, and Don Caballero, the last of which often sounds close to Couch, only far less measured and restrained. And secondly, there are the textural explorations of Tortoise, Mogwai, and Gwei-lo, which, despite the sometimes overt emotion of Mogwai and Gwei-lo, provide a clear parallel with Couch.

And this brings us to our final stop on the tour: the gift shop. You are strongly urged to purchase a copy of the latest Couch opus, Profane, if you enjoy any of the bands mentioned at our last stop. Additionally, let me just say that you've been a wonderful tour group-- very polite and easy to control. With that, I will bid you auf wedersehen. We hope to see you all again sometime in the future.

-Joe Tangari