Every so often, my satellite dish intercepts programming from alternate universes. I've seen some pretty incredible things: Martha Stewart, Texas Ranger; a film called "The Godfather of the Bride;" and a David Hasselhoff rock concert with screaming, adoring fans. (My friends tell me that the concert was probably aired from Germany, not an alternate universe, but I don't believe them.)

The other day, I intercepted an infomercial from a universe where music is hawked on TV, and cheap gizmos made in China are sold in small storefronts in hip neighborhoods. For the benefit of Pitchfork readers, I have transcribed said infomercial to the best of my abilities:

Host: Are you nostalgic for the Brit-pop music of the 1980s? Do you wish the bands you grew up with-- bands like Echo and the Bunnymen, the Housemartins and Aztec Camera-- were still around? Remember all those great, angst- filled songs about the trials and tribulations of love, set to jangly guitars playing quirky pop hooks? Do you long for the days when you used enough hairspray every day to power a Yugo? Do you still have a Smiths poster on the back of your bedroom door? Do you own a videotape of every John Hughes film starring Molly Ringwald?

Audience [the majority of the crowd sports frizzed- out perms, and upright collars]: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Host: Well then, let me tell you about this incredible new product! It fulfills your craving for classic post- punk Brit-pop, makes a handy coaster, and is an easy- to- use portable Frisbee game for you and your dog, all in one amazing package! It's guaranteed to be the best thing you've heard since Morrissey and Marr put The Queen is Dead on vinyl!

Audience [drooling]: What is it??

Host: Why, it's Cinerama! This amazing new hi- tech disc, called Va Va Voom, contains everything you need to journey back to your high school days when you made stinkbombs in the chemistry lab, laughed at your phys-ed teacher, and tried to score with that cute guy or girl in the back of the biology lab! And you get all that nostalgia for the amazingly low price of $13.99!

Audience: Cin-e-rama! Cin-e-rama!

Host: And just what do you get when you purchase this amazing Va Va Voom?

Audience: Boo! Hiss!

Host: Two songs?! Three songs?!

Audience: Boo! More! Higher!

Host: I might be crazy, but for that amazingly low price of $13.99, I'll give you thirteen incredible melodies guaranteed to take you back to the days of Ronald Reagan!

Audience [chanting]: More! More! More!

Host: You've talked me into it. You won't just get thirteen songs, but they'll be performed by none other than David Gedge, a genuine 1980s Brit-pop icon, formerly of the Wedding Present! You'll hear him sing about loving, losing, leaving, hating, and wanting his old girlfriend, just like all the bands you grew up with did in the '80s! And, I'll also throw in this marvelous impact- resistant plastic carrying case! Now, who wants one?

At that point, the transmission went dead, and "WCW Monday Nitro" returned to its rightful place-- on my TV. But my curiosity had been piqued enough, so I went and sought out this Va Va Voom. Sure enough, it's available in our universe, too. It's a shining example of all that was great, and still is, about independent Brit-pop. And they are indeed fronted by David Gedge, who's put the Wedding Present on hold after they carried the indie Brit-pop torch for the last ten years. It's not the best piece of Brit-pop since The Queen Is Dead, but it's certainly a fine addition to the genre, and a much bigger value than most of the $13.99 ska or post- grunge rock albums you can buy today.

-Duane Ambroz