Caught up in the burning psychedelia of late-nite television, channel- surfing with Kenny Kingston's Psychic Network, I was slapped Ronco- style with a side of raw jerky when I realized I was getting pay- per- view porn at no fee. Yes! For one glorious hour, the static defuzzed, creating honest- to- god, real- life naked bodies knockin' boots to the sound of... late- '80s glam rock.

Luckily, the stereo was nearby and that Chocolate Weasel I'd been listening to earlier would be more this film's style. Now, I don't wanna get into specifics. Maybe it was the visual stimulus, but more likely, it was the soundtrack. Gooey, sticky, organic beats led the way and I followed, lost in the warm, blue glow of cable TV. Then, faster than you can say "I wasn't finished yet," channel 47 went snowball.

Eh, whatever. This music was better than the sound to any of the reruns I was faced with watching. I settled on an old episode of "What's Happenin' Now!" just as the unstoppable rhythm machine of "Reworked From Scratch Backwards" kicked in with its swanky, electronic bass. Who needs horny naked chicks when you've got Rerun and Raj?

Chocolate Weasel's not a typical Ninja Tune release. Whereas the majority of the artists on the label's roster have one foot in the rave, this release is pure groove. Created by British jam- master T-Power and his "accomplice" Cris Stevens, the retro chill of these beats belong in Blaxploitation montages and Baltimore boomboxes. It's a 75+ minute ride through the dark alleys of the sinful soul; a journey into the mind of a mass murderer; a warm welcome into a forty- person orgy. Hope you brought a condom.

-Ryan Schreiber