My friends, forgive me. I've had more fun sticking fucking screwdrivers in my friend's bottoms while they guess whether the heads are Phillips or Robinson. Beating cows just before they enter the slaughterhouse would have more of a point than this musical rendering plant. Compared to Meg Lee Chin, the entire musical career of the Monkees seems positively genuine, inspired and fresh. Look at that album title! That's a horrible pun.

But I'm not angry. The above phrases have provided this lowly writer much pleasure, for the music of Meg Lee Chin is so vile, that one can't help but summon vibrant and entertaining ways to trash it. Piece and Love is gimmicky, pretentious, loud, obnoxious, simplistic, overwrought, and under-conceived. The only guilty pleasure that could be derived from the album would be masturbating to forget about it. Did I mention the cover art looks like a stillbirth placenta?

Full disclosure: I have not listened to this album in its entirely. No, I made it through about three songs. The first, surprisingly titled "Thing," begins with a sample of someone saying, "It was a really boring night in Manchester," before breaking out into a hackneyed, overdriven drum break. Then the Chin starts to sing. She croons like Nancy Sinatra's chromosome deficient cousin. She sings of being lost and how crazy the world is. And then, just to you show you she's got spunk, she growls, "I'm losin' out/ On some important thing!" Suddenly, here comes the chorus-- both notes come at you through preprogrammed keyboards, as if to say, "MTV Europe, put on those bright back lights right now!" "Helter Skelter, where's your shelter," she wonders urgently and... repeatedly.

"Heavy Scene" displays Chin's singing rap credentials over what appears to be heavily sequenced, expensive- sounding rectal breathing. Producer Martin Atkins earns .3 creativity points for coming up with a three- note melody and some modern- sounding bleeps to accompany it. The third song, "Nutopia," has Chin reconfiguring Allen Ginsberg's "Howl" so she can talk about how the best minds of her generation are losing their minds from watching TV and memorizing PIN numbers, and how everyone's so greedy and fake, and oh, if she wears goggles on the picture in the back cover, that will make her look extra quirky and weird!

Gentle reader, I didn't make it much further. I hope you understand.

-Samir Khan