Those lusty funkified Cameo boys. Just when you thought the word was finally down, they burst back into the modern R+B scene with an album that's sure to have R. Kelly and Seal shaking in their boots. Yes, the marketing juggernaut that is Cameo has released their Greatest Hits compilation, overshadowing the careers of a whole field of johnny- come- latelys. Surely you remember the unique nasal bark of Larry Blackmon as he "Word Up'd" right into your head back in 1986. Well, here are 12 tracks of tunes from His Upness, drawing largely from their post-1980 catalog. Post-1980, you ask? Absolutely! For those of you suffering loss of long- term memory, I hasten to remind you that Cameo toured frequently with no less than George Clinton back in the heyday of funk. Yes, really.

Here's how I see an evening with Cameo's Greatest Hits:

You got your premium threads on, three buttons undone on that silk shirt as you get into your new Pontiac Firebird. You slip the disc in and snort a spoonful o' coke just as "Word Up" kicks in. Uhhh-huh! It's a dark city night, but you got your sunglasses on anyway; the Gucci imitations you picked up on the sidewalk in the Village. Huh! Oh yeah! You're tappity- tappin' that fatty beat on your wheel, ready for some brand nubian love, the coke makin' wonderful waves in your brain. Ye-ah!

The bass box in the hatch is makin' your guts quiver and givin' you an erection. Yeah! "Better for my baby," you think. "Word Up" gives way to "Single Life," an anthem that speaks to your debaucherous bachelor ways. You sing along: "I don' wanna get too serious/ I just like having fun/ I just wanna have some fun." Now you're snapping your fingers, slouched down deep in your seat, arm hanging out the doorsill, your peach- colored suit drawin' looks from all the ladies you pass. You know, without question, that you are the man.

Here comes the next track, "Candy." It always makes you smile at the wry coke reference, and you take another little snort just for good luck. Oh yeh. You arrive-- time to pick up your lady for a hot night on the town. She's waiting expectantly on the step, her wicked, huge booty wrapped in a velvet dress. Oh yes. She gets in just as "She's Strange" starts up, the mello-funk groove just right for the pure animal lust in your pants and the pheremone cologne wafting from your neck.

It's an alignment of the planets, man. You got it all-- livin' bigger than large, larger than huge, just as "Attack Me With Your Love" starts up with the roar of a tiger. Pure sensuality, baby. Sooner than you expect, you're at your destination: Bowl-n-Brew, the first stop for any big night on the town. You're secure in the secret knowledge that you'll be slappin' skins by night's end because you have the ultimate secret weapon: seven more tracks of Cameo. No woman of any race, creed, religion or caliber can resist their uninhibited erotic groove. It's pure aphrodisiac, man. You know you'll have her before you even hear "You Make Me Work" or "Freaky Dancin'." You got it, man. You got it all, and Cameo is just the icing on the cake, super stud man!

-James P. Wisdom