Me vs. Corin Tucker

Category 1: Style

Me: Sloppy hair, skinny ass, horrible posture. Known to be unshaven at times. Paint my fingernails, badly.

Corin Tucker: Well- styled bowl cut, ample posterior protection, excellent posture (especially rock posture in the the venerable Sleater-Kinney). Don't know if she paints her fingernails, but if she did, they'd probably be perfect.

Category 2: Career

Me: Bureaucrat. Dabble in class- conscious teenage poetry. Check out my chapbook (I got lots of copies), entitled "She Left Me Standing With the Anchovies in the Pizza... God I Hate Anchovies."

Corin Tucker: Rock Capital Fucking Star. Once led the proto riot-grrl band Heavens to Betsy. Now fronts the deleriously great Sleater-Kinney, which serves as an outlet for both her rock- out energy and her unique, introspective lyrics. Also stars as "Kissy" (along with "Dusty" and "Junior") in the garage- rock combo Cadallaca and rocks ass.

Category 3: High- Placed Friends

Me: Once knew the daughter of Manitoba premier Gary Filmon. Once sat on a public toilet that may have been used by John Stamos when he toured with the Beach Boys.

Corin Tucker: Is already a punk rock celebrity. If she didn't have any other friends, she could probably get by just by being Corin Tucker. But she does. Calvin Johnson (K Records svengali) produced Introducing Cadallaca.

Category 4: Musical abilities

Me: Brief stint as a handclapper in Cliff Clavin and the Mailmen. Also released self- titled demo with my acoustic guitar entitled Reloading the Love Gun. The single, "Please, Please, Please Kill Me," charted briefly on local pirate radio.

Corin Tucker: Terrific punk rock guitarist in both Sleater-Kinney and Cadallaca. Cadallaca shows a more garagey side, replete with terrific Farfisa organ and bad-ass songwriting. Reminds one of "The Leader of the Pack" by the Shangri-Las, except tougher, and without the crying. The song "Two Beers Later" would be a hit if there were any justice in the world. In Cadallaca, Tucker gives further proof that she's one of the gutsiest singers anywhere. Master of the both the raging scream and the engaging whisper.

Category 5: Desires to be someone else

Me: Would love to be as cool and talented a woman as Corin Tucker.

Corin Tucker: Would probably never want to be a man. Is cool on her own terms. A superior human being.

-Samir Khan