CAVE RAGE! AARRRRRRGH! RAAAAAAAAGE!

Oh... hello. It appears you've caught me at a rather embarrassing moment. You see, when I picked up this, the second album from C Average, I did so not because I am a fan of "rock" music, but rather because a friend of mine told me that the album contains numerous references to Dungeons and Dragons. I figured that Second Reckoning would fit perfectly in the "nerd" section of my CD collection, alongside The Best of William Shatner and a rare field recording of Steve Jobs attempting fornication with an iMac.

So I picked up Second Reckoning, expecting it to be an amusing but gimmicky diversion. But within minutes of placing it in the CD tray, I was running around my room naked, screaming wildly and breaking everything in sight. I felt like a level 12 ogre that had happened upon a camp of unsuspecting half-elves. As I said, I'd expected merely an entertaining diversion. What I got was something genuinely worthwhile.

Like the similarly cool-named Fucking Champs, C Average play thrashy metal tinged with a keen sense of humor. But whereas the Champs reference everything from Black Sabbath and (other) cheesy 70's corporate rock to Nintendo game music, C Average is a more straightforward release-- one foot firmly planted in the traditions of pounding metal, the other in the mystical kingdom of Azerberoth. Or something like that.

Like most D&D; aficionados, the boys in C Average don't seem to have a lot of friends-- there are only two guys in the band. But thanks to the miracles of modern technology, C Average singer and guitarist John "Elf-Style" Meriahthew can pile crunchy guitar track upon crunchy guitar track, while drummer Bard "'s Tale" Baisley beats furiously (another common trait of D&D; aficionados), churning out a fast-paced mix of creative hi-hat fills and double bass-drum thumping.

But unlike many of their hard-rocking contemporaries, C Average aren't afraid to delve into some twisted, remarkably complex songwriting. The obvious example of this comes with the album's epic closer, the five-part suite "Prolock (The Protector)." I'm not talking about one of your daddy's 10-minute epics-- no sir, this is a 45+ minute blast of frenzied guitar and drums, running the gamut from silence and near-silence to full-out sonic attack.

In most other cases, 71 minutes of this would be very difficult to withstand. But the sense of humor displayed throughout Second Reckoning makes it a lot more bearable. Take, for example, the introduction to "Strider '88," in which Meriahthew calls up a gaming store and says, "Greetings, fellow barbarian! This is Zontar the chaotic good elf!" Or the ending to the epic final track in which, after thunderous applause, the band sheepishly concedes in a Ben Stein-esque monotone, "Thank you. That's all for us."

Taking this stuff into account, what's most impressive about Second Reckoning is not that the album could stand on its own completely devoid of the fantasy gimmick, but rather, that the gimmick is so masterfully executed that it serves only to enhance an otherwise highly enjoyable listening experience. What's more, it's an important lesson to all you bullies out there: don't go picking on kids who play Dungeons and Dragons, because one day, they may grow up to record 20-minute guitar solos that actually don't suck.

-Matt LeMay