Telos, don't you know, is the home planet of a race of enhanced humanoids known to fans of the nickel- budget sci-fi plod- a- thon "Dr. Who" as "Cybermen." It's really quite apt, then, that Buckfunk 3000's Si Begg should name this sloppy album in homage to such a dreary TV series. If you recognize his name at all, it's because you know Begg is a member of the UK techno massive located in the wind- swept, cotton- candied, quick- shag beach resort of Brighton. He was once a Cabbage Head, and listening to this album, I've my doubts whether he fully evolved out of that vegetative state.

Far from being a totally turgid affair, First Class Ticket to Telos is a superb example of the infuriating missed opportunity. Begg is eminently adept at cranking out real bottom- heavy electro- funk (as evidenced on the ass- smearin' boogie of "Fried Funk and Microchips"). However, Begg clogs up the album with atrocious noodlings that not even Squarepusher should be allowed to get away with.

In tandem with "Fried Funk and Microchips," Begg proudly parades his electro- disco chops on the cyber P-funk of "3000," the Afrika Bambataa- meets- Ed Rush madness of "Planet Shock Future Rock," and "Funkbwithu" (not to be confused with Kid Rock's lovable anthem "Badwitdaba"). All are total party tunes, guaranteed to make even the most wooden geography teacher go hogwild. Or at least turn away from the Chemical Brothers album long enough to realize that not all dance music is played- out beats and tasteless celebrity vocals.

But on tracks like "Art of Cybernetics" and "Goodbye," Begg burdens his dance schtick with serious would- murder- to- be- Eno electronics. His fellow technoticon, Cristian Vogel, does this kind of thing all the time, but because Vogel's got a nimble mind and recognizes how far to push each element (and fader), he makes a joyously funky racket that gets me oozing.

Begg, on the other hand, is responsible for an ambient interpretation of London's Waterloo Station and guilty of an analog rendition of a train journey up from a London suburb. It should come as no surprise, then, that on First Class Ticket to Telos, Begg has truly lost sight of the obvious division between ace- groove action and art- school wank. Churlish I may be, but I hope that Begg gets all this pansy- assed sci-fi out of his system before returning to planet Earth.

-Paul Cooper