For those of you who just joined the illustrious Pitchfork readership, I would like to extend the sweaty, clammy hand of friendship. This has obviously been a landmark year for Pitchfork. More people than ever are getting their daily independent music news and reviews from us, the hard-working, soft-drinking editorial and news staff. So, in the interest of further expanding our reader base, I propose a new feature in the Pitchfork gallery: the Pitchmate of the Month. Each month, we'll have a new profile of one of the hottest stars in the indie music sector, all in seat-squirming detail. I'll try one now.

Caspar Brotzmann

Bust: 36C
Waist: 24
Hips: 34
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 115 lbs.
Birthplace: Berlin, Germany

Ambitions: Creating the finest improvised guitar noodling with nothing but a guitar, a wah-wah pedal, a fuzzbox, and an amp; playing as much as possible over everything; starting an acting career with a role as a bored Jimi Hendrix in a small independent feature entitled I Dunno, What Do You Want To Do?, or The Mute Massaker.

Turn-ons: Trills, hammer-ons, whammy-bar dives, sliding a low note up for a tossed-off, bluesy feel; long pieces with a minimum amount of structure or hooks; tinkly cymbal work; muddy production.

Turn-offs: Strong rhythm sections, appropriate accompaniment, vocals; catchy or memorable melodies; composition; sonic interest.

My philosophy: To just be myself, a guy playing guitar non-stop for 66 minutes.

My fantasy: To be just like Jimmy Page on a bad night, sans phrasing, groove, or taste. And to issue this moment on Thirsty Ear Records.

When I wake up every morning, I remind myself: If you play every note possible, you're more likely to hit a good one.

When asked about his past as titular member of the Caspar Brotzmann Massaker, Caspar merely smiled coyly and gave a wink from his left eye. He went on to say that he just felt it was time to move on to a solo career-- to "mute the massaker," so to speak. Regardless of how much we at Pitchfork would like to mute his massaker (if you know what we mean), the decision to forsake vocals, song structures with extended improvisation, and a strong rhythm section was a curious one, and more inquiry was required. Caspar giggled, clearly amused with our line of questioning. "I just had to move on, you know? They were holding me back from my true vision: to walk in the studio with a lack of vision and just do whatever I felt like. The purest music comes from a complete blankness and becomes like an imitation Jackson Pollock splatter painting: an utter void outside reflecting the creative void within."

So, what do you folks think? Shall I whip up a pictorial?

-Craig Griffith