Let me tell you something about this "rap" music created and issued solely by hooligans and miscreants. Not only is it infecting the malleable minds of our youth with its curse words and butchery of grammar, but it clearly goes against the Lord's gospel ("And upon hearing Bone Thugs 'N' Harmony, the Lord did proclaim 'What is this? I certainly didn't create it. It must have been that scoundrel Satan!'" Luke 3:26). I truly wonder why so many kids can endorse this Ol' Dirty Rascal and Mr. Bursting with Rhymes when they obviously engage in nefarious behavior. And don't get me started on this Dre person, who claims to be a doctor of some sort. I wouldn't even trust that man to open my tube of Preparation H to ease my "chronic" hemorrhoid pain.

Don't get me wrong; not too long ago I was quite the "Boomin' Granny." When visiting with my grandson Billy, I have been known to beatbox while he lays down Bible verse. During heated Bingo matches, I have "battled" Vera and Ethel freestyle on a number of occasions. I'm no "wack mother-bleeper." Thus, I can make exceptions for positive artists like those nice young Jewish lads, the Beastly Boys. That's why I'm so pleased to have stumbled across Blackalicious' Nia, a nice little compilation of ditties by a very polite African-American fellow.

I couldn't possibly stress how relieved I am that a gifted lyricist has taken it upon himself to resist the fast money, loose women, and other such pernicious bait used by the Devil himself to tempt the weak. One of the best things about Nia is that it's so unfunky that I can easily listen to it while knitting without having the urge to "shake my booty," and possibly miss a stitch in the ensuing melee.

The primary allure of Blackalicious is really their lyricist, Gift of Gab, since the musical backdrop is not even almost innovative. To be honest, Gift of Gab sounds like Young MC reincarnated as a white poindexter who cares more about theatrical enunciation than varied rhythmic delivery. Gift of Gab has incredible diction, though, assembling tongue-twisting lines as clever as they are humorous. Over the whole five minutes of "Do This My Way" I think he may only pause to take a breath a total of four times, which takes a considerable talent. Maybe the Lord wanted him to be a scuba diver! On "A to G," Gab leads us on a fun (and quite educational!) journey through the first seven letters of the alphabet. Believe me, I'll use quite a few of those words to battle Vera and Ethel!

Of course, the reason so much attention was paid to Blackalicious in the first place was their involvement with everyone's favorite DJ savior, DJ Shadow. Well, Shadow has produced "Cliff Hanger" on Nia, and boy, does he ever make abundant use of an 808. I haven't been this disappointed since the summer of 1941. "Cliff Hanger" resembles Shadow's previous work very little and is rather dull, especially behind Gift of Gab's curious science-fiction storytelling. One unexpected rainbow which appears shortly after the drizzle of "Cliff Hanger" is "Ego Trip by Nikki Giovanni," an intelligent, self-aggrandizing rant in which Giovanni states, "I am so hip, even my errors are correct." You go, girl!

Thanks to Blackalicious' Nia, I no longer feel that I have to cross myself constantly whenever speaking of the "hip-hop." Blackalicious are so prolific and astute that they had to narrow the 18 songs featured on Nia from the 45 they recorded. Wow! Although the compositions on this album are often wacky and overproduced, they are always intriguing and-- thank God-- G-rated. While not suited for those who demand a whole lot of soul from their MCs, this one will certainly be "bumpin'" in the Oldsmobile for at least a little while because of its lyrical creativity and refusal to communicate a negative message. I just hope this is all okay with the Lord!

-Taylor M. Clark