Having already secured his place in rock and roll history with the Guess Who (at one time one of the biggest bands in the world), large-bearded guitarist Randy Bachman decided sometime in the early 70's that he had some yah-yah's to bust out. Enlisting the help of some of his brothers and the prodigal talent of one similarly large-bearded C.F. Turner, he formed the mighty, large-bearded Bachman-Turner Overdrive. FM Radio was never the same again.

Gone was the winsome pining and slightly rebellious edge of the mustachioed Burton Cummings, and absent was the abject mistrust of The Man. The self-referential analysis of Canada-U.S. geo-political discourse, as typified in "American Woman," was left behind in the Guess Who's sunburnt dust. The culture of communal dissent was replaced by one of self-reliance, as typified by the subdued, salsa-tinged number "Looking Out for #1."

BTO took the roll out of rock and packaged it in a drag-strip-ready, nuts-and-bolts package that sold tons of records (and later, a host of Time-Life retrospective packages). Regardless of the similarity and soulless chops of songs like "Takin' Care of Business," "Hey You," and "Four Wheel Drive," this band succeeded in helping all members of the band settle down in the suburbs, stacked with mutual funds and a lifetime supply of boat shoes. Life wasn't so easy for the BTO boys, though. Drummer Robbie Bachman, just a young pup during BTO's heyday, once complained about how the "pressures of fame" really dragged him down in those frenzied early days.

Those who still cling to BTO-- and you know who you are-- are usually dorky minivan types who think rock and roll is about having your friends over for beer and barbecue. Let me say on behalf of the world's young people that all you people truly suck. Even in your retro phase there's nothing remotely charming or rocking about you. Here's hoping that next T-Bone you eat leaves you choking on your own excess. Die! Die! Die!

-Samir Khan