19:49 SST

Alert, crew members of fleet class cruiser Viscous Kennel Z! Peripheral sensors have detected a potentially dangerous and volatile object off the starboard neutrino assimilation port, between the anti-plasma acceleration module and the ocular sensation fabricator. Preliminary evaluations indicate that the entity has nuclear capability, yet is extremely small in size. Perhaps we have had too much space coffee this morning, but we believe it to be a Swiss Army knife. Yet it is also an atom bomb. There is no immediate cause for alarm, but we are placing the crew on beige alert to be safe. And for you pessimists who keep asking: no, this does not influence the captain's decision to name the ship the Viscous Kennel Z.

20:36 SST

Attention! The tiny unidentified object has established audio wave communications with the Viscous Kennel Z! Confirming our prior suspicions, it wishes to be known only as "Atombombpocketknife." When we requested separation of its name into four words, it quickly became agitated. Atombombpocketknife has initiated transmission of Alpha Sounds, which appears very similar to early 21st century independent rock, featuring such antiquated instruments as electric guitar, bass, and drums. Phonic system analysis has noted that the arrangements and chord transitions have a certain mathematical quality while remaining smooth in nature. Very curious, indeed. Still no reason to become worried, but we are upgrading to taupe alert. And to Qualin from nebular engineering: again, we do not anticipate changing the ship's name in the immediate future. The captain wishes to remind the crew of other successful fleet and galaxy class ships which have unique names, such as the Festive Rabbit Sale II, the Absorption Prank 17, and the Stiff Thesis Growth. We will keep you updated.

21:17 SST

New developments in the Atombombpocketknife imbroglio! When navigation systems attempted to engage evasion pattern Tango Mark 3, we failed to shake the Atombombpocketknife at all. Meanwhile, modular review-o-tron circuitry has prepared this report:

Genus: Angular Indie Rock.
Species: Atombombpocketknife.
Description: This clever organism is comprised of three distinct regions: the Justin Sinkovitch, which monitors vocal and high range stringed signals; the Allison Hollihan thorax, providing deep range bass frequencies; and the rhythm inducing Matt Espy area. When united and fully functioning, they cause a highly unique brand of deconstructed rock noise which has been deemed Unrock. In this particular instance, it demonstrates its Alpha Sounds ability, marked by distorted guitar and bass lines which move in unusual chord progressions, yet remain quite interesting to hear. Patterns such as the "Unofficial Guide to Backstabbing" and the "America the Great" bounce along to dissonant riffs that are equal parts hard indie rock and experimental rock, often branching into very intriguing sections. Vocal transmissions are subtle, but a well done compliment to the music. This entity bears resemblance to the resourceful Fugazi as well as the elusive Unwound. When heard by humans, many report that sonic sensations are pleasurable after several listens, especially crafty slower compositions such as "Explode Again" and "Conceit Needs Concentration." Its primary weakness is its characteristic failure to inspire an adverse interested reaction in listeners, which may be remedied as it matures.
Threat Level: 6.8.
Advisory: Approach with caution. Create holographic diversion and ease away using low phase thrusters."
End report.

21:45 SST

We have successfully evaded the Atombombpocketknife entity and are resuming our spice reclamation mission to Arklon V. You may return to your normal activities and duties henceforth, excepting the incessant requests to change the name of the ship. You're beginning to hurt the Captain's fragile feelings. He wishes to remind the crew that the pleasure-bots on deck 5 are a privilege, not a right. Be careful, or you may end up scrubbing warp coils on the Gaseous Vulva Bailiwick 7.

-Taylor M. Clark