The Taco Bell Chihuahua.
The OJ Simpson trial.
Gerry Spice's resignation letter.

They're all things that seem cool the first time you see them, but quickly lose their novelty. Sure, at first they're novel concepts, but after the first time, they become bad jokes being eternally beaten into the ground by stupid people.

The Amazing Royal Crowns insist that they're not a gimmick and lead vocalist Jason "King" Kendall promises that there's nothing retro about them. "We appreciate the sensibilities of the '50s, but we live in the '90s," he says. Bull. This entire record is a series of fast- paced thrash guitar noise that passes as rockabilly, but has more in common with Rancid than it does with Johnny Cash.

The Crowns speed through every song, adding token rockabilly guitar strums wherever necessary for authenticity's sake rather than for musical value. They need to drop the rockin' facade, become the average punk band that they really want to be, tour with the skateboarders and NOFX, and get it over with.

-Aparna Mohan