"Greetings from Central Command. The Minister of Beliefs suggests that you keep an eye out for the surprises. All surprises must be reported to the Main Audit Office immediately. The Minister of Beliefs thanks you for your continued cooperation. This has been a message from Central Command."

[Excerpt from incident 210501 follows:]

"The announcement told me to report all surprises, and this was a surprise, sure thing it was. I got right down, I done what ya told me. I came right down and reported it like I should. It was a surprise, sure thing."

"What was the surprise, Eddie?"

"It was this disc! My lap-masseuse droid Maggie told me about it. I didn't know it was going to be a surprise, officer. There are so few surprises these days, and I don't wanna be messing with them, but this one just caught me by surprise."

"What surprised you about it, Eddie?"

"Well, anybody can see, you don't need me to tell you about it. It was no big thing, but I knew you should know about it, I don' needa tell you."

"Tell us, Eddie."

"But--"

"Tell us now, Eddie, or we may have to schedule a reeducation session."

"Oh... well, it wasn't gospel-- that's a sure thing. And it wasn't techno or rockabilly blues, either... It was..."

"What was it, Eddie?"

"It was some of all of 'em. That was the surprise! It was filled with phatty techno beats underscoring gospel-choir choruses, harmonica screams and funky blues rants. Oh..."

"Keep going, Eddie."

"And not just that, but it came with a bonus disc of techno remixes that were actually good! A bonus disc of good music! That was a surprise in and of itself!"

"We know, Eddie. What else?"

"Well... it was the mac daddy, sir. Eddie's never heard nothin' like it before, sir. In fact, Eddie had never even experienced surprise, ever, until he heard this A3 album."

"You sound like you like it, Eddie."

"No sir! If the Central Command doesn't like it, I sure don't like it, either! What does the Central Command think I should think about it, sir?"

"Tell us more about it, Eddie."

"Well, sir, it was funny. The lyrics are like a full-blown party; a song in the soul and a bong on the table. It was hybrid craziness, makin' up the rules rather than followin' the rules of their image. It was fresh as a ham n' cabbage sandwich on an autumn day. It talked to me about drugs, sir, about drugs! And it was spiritual and witty and world-weary like reggae on e instead of weed. It balances a powerful flavor of raw Americana with a sophisticated and well-chosen electronica aroma. It's fresh fantastic, I tell ya!"

"Eddie! Restrain him."

"You'll see I'm right! You'll thank me someday! Hahaha! I am a small man!"

"Take him away."

"The Minister of Beliefs thanks you for your continued cooperation. This has been a message from Central Command."

-James P. Wisdom