Your life sucks. Your parents are compromising capitalist hogs that just don't understand you. Your government's lying to you. Girls don't make sense to you, and you couldn't get laid in a women's prison if you had a fistful of pardons. Cops are always up your ass about hanging around the 7-11 and staring at those 15 year-old Catholic schoolgirls across the street just a little too longingly. In short, you're an angry, male youth. So, what do you do about it?

That's where Agnostic Front comes in. They're another angry band presented to us by our angry friends at Epitaph, and they're screaming their balls off, right in our puffy, compromising faces. They play angry songs-- songs about crooked cops, drug dealers ruining our neighborhoods, and frustration in all its testosterone-fueled, fist-pumping forms. There's nothing all that creative, brilliant or well-planned about it, but that's exactly why it works.

One thing the punk audience is very good at, aside from trampling people to death under a sea of black work boots, is detecting bullshit. The best anger is no-frills, intensely personal bile-spewing, and that usually translates to 100% bullshit-free punk. Every scream is free from compromise, every power chord is born out of gut-twisting anger, every slam on the drum kit is a thunderous blow against the establishment. The aggression on Riot, Riot, Upstart sounds a lot like that kind of punk rock. It's very visceral-- a simple reaction to society and all its ills. But under examination, this music lacks the balls needed to kick society in the gut. Lucky for the boys in Agnostic Front, punk audiences tend to put more emphasis on style than substance.

The problem with punk audiences is that as soon as a punk band shows some creativity, or urge to break away from the standard punk formula of hard-driving guitars, remedial social commentary, and juvenile rage, someone, somewhere cries "sell-out." And for a group of people supposedly not worried about appearances, public opinion can be a death sentence for any punk band. Of course, Agnostic Front have nothing to worry about. As sincere as their anger seems, their music is weak-kneed and middle-of-the-road. Ripping off every punk cliché it can get its grubby paws on, Riot, Riot, Upstart does nothing to add to the long, rich legacy of punk rock; it merely limps along, another sloppy album by a bunch of pissed off gents.

The opener, "Police State," sounds like a joke as lead screamer Roger Miret rips through laughable lyrics that relate his anger at the de-smuttifying of New York City's Times Square. Sure, there's something undeniably funny about hearing a grown man scream, "You know we hate you/ Giuliani, Giuliani, Giuliani/ Fuck you," but it finally nails home how important a social issue the preservation of strip clubs truly is, y'know?

Shamelessly recycling any news story that may have grabbed their attention while flipping past CNN Headline News, Agnostic Front waxes punk on such controversial topics as how drugs are bad for society ("Sit and Watch"), how most people are assholes ("Jailbreak"), how you should get into fights with those assholes (the title track), and how most rock stars are assholes, too ("Rock Star"). And past all of the screaming and shredded guitar strings, Agnostic Front tackle their chosen issues with all the passion of a "Saved By the Bell" episode.

Adding to the general smarmy atmosphere of Riot is an ad for a tattoo parlor owned by one of the guitarists, plastered right on the album sleeve. Well, I, for one, want to say, "Good job, guys." Tasteless self-promotion and crass capitalism, besides setting punk music back 20 years, completes the chain of bad ideas that make this album what it is: unlistenable, and funny to boot. Way to go.

-Steven Byrd