What can you say about a compilation? They're long, inconsistent, taxing, and not always faithfully representative of the artists they purport to introduce you to. On the other hand, they're varied, informative, and occasionally a good way to gauge how you might like an artist's full-length works. Turbo Tunes is all those things, good and bad. I assume Turbo is the plaintive-faced basset hound puppy at the center of the concentric Vertigo circles. Next time, for consistency's sake, they ought to have someone other than a hound choose the tracks that represent the varied artists while fitting well together. As compilations go, though, this is a fairly solid one. Without further delay, I'll do for this record what it attempts to do for the KRS label. That, of course, is a superficial review. Let's get it on.

"Got All This Waiting" by Arkansas firebrands the Gossip is an odd choice with which to start off. The group's uneasy amalgam of charming and unbearable is something one ought to probably ease into, rather than stumble upon. The Bangs follow with the awesome, Joan Jett-style rocker "Into You"-- probably the best of the bunch. Next up, Sleater-Kinney's "Ballad of a Ladyman" is another strange choice from where I stand. Not exactly their strongest album, All Hands on the Bad One nevertheless has several songs that whup the crap out of this track. Not to say this one outright sucks; all the elements of Sleater-Kinney's best stuff are here. Unfortunately, some of Corin Tucker's unbecoming new vocal stylings mar the overall tune.

And what to expect from an outfit named Two Ton Boa? Well, for starters: heavy, epic, Sabbathy, trudging, prog-grunge-- what you might expect Tool's kid sisters to sound like. In case you weren't sure, that's not a good thing. Plus, I think I heard the phrase "eye of newt" in there somewhere. Pass. Kleenex steps next in with "Eiseger Wind." This track is uncomfortable, but in a rockin' good way. It's punk, they scream, the drummer bangs real hard, and there's some trebly Gang of Four school guitar playing. "Frumpies Forever" by self-same Frumpies comes after that. The Kinks figure heavily on this track; it's nothing to write home about. Or even to write about at all.

Holly Golightly does well with "Rain," coming off as equal parts (anything by) the Doors and "House of the Rising Sun." Cadallaca's "The Trouble with Public Places" features Corin Tucker once again, this time much in much better, fresher form. The transition from the Holly Golightly track to this one is also the compilation's most successful, as they both feature similar rock organs.

Slumber Party's "Any Other Day" was a real head-trip for all of ten seconds. The opening bit sounds uncannily like the beginning of R.E.M.'s "Radio Song." For a brief instance, I really believed KRS the rapper and KRS the label had come together to herald the end of the world. Instead, all I got was this wussy, unremarkable slow-core song.

And now, a celebrity moment. Canty the Elder, better known as Brendan from Fugazi, teams up with his on-and-off music partner, the ever strummy Lois Maffeo, for a sultry, folk-noir number called "Being Blind." The results are great. It's also good to see that indie superstars can put aside all that East Coast/West Coast beef.

Danielle Howle's "In Your House" is one of a handful of previously unreleased tracks featured on the sampler. Keep an eye out for this track on the upcoming Things Best Left Unreleased sampler. Not that's really abysmal; it's just utterly forgettable.

I was hoping I'd never actually have to use the term "alt-country." Jinx. The Breakdowns' "Trying to Live" is fairly catchy, mentions Johnny Cash several times, and is ready-made soundtrack fodder for that digital video Western you've been planning. Then, Bonfire Madigan comes strolling in with "Lesson in Ride," grabbing you by the throat and spitting, "Whaddya mean you can't fuckin' rock with a cello?" You don't dare answer back. Nice drumming and a foreboding melody. Accomplishes what a track on a sampler should: intriguing the uninitiated into wanting to hear more of an unfamiliar artist.

Ah, Unwound. "Mkultra," culled from last years's A Single History, is a fine track that shows these guys at their most brooding and subdued. I think I probably covered this one in the review of that album, though.

The surprise of this bunch, though, has got to be "Hairshirt Fracture" by basketball diarist Jim Carroll. If you ever find yourself playing Six Degrees of DiCrapio and someone challenges you to link Leo to, say, Elliott Smith, you've now got that crucial middle link. It's also a fine tune, both despite and because of Carroll's dodgy singing. The music is slow, darker '80s pop fare that falls somewhere between Duran Duran's "Save a Prayer" and David Bowie's Labyrinth soundtrack music.

Sport Murphy (or Mike "Sport" Murphy), formerly of the Skels, does his best Stephin Merritt on "Autumn." It boasts an engaging melody and pleasant, if slightly fruity music.

Sue P. Fox is an artist. You know how you can tell? Because her contribution, "Untitled Track," is horribly fucking unlistenable. I suspect Kim Gordon would dig it big time, though. It sounds so much like Sonic Youth's worst spoken-nonsense moments that I truly suspected they had a hand in it. Turns out Sue came up with this all by herself. Keep a finger lodged firmly in your ear, and keep your eye out for this one on the upcoming Artists Best Left Unborn sampler.

Har Mar Superstar is the project of Harold Martin Tillman, "sibling" of Sean Na Na's Sean Tillman. His track, "Brand New Day," when following on the heels of Sue Fox, is a jolt of grand proportions. The song's first word is "Chi-town"; my first thought is, "I can't believe this is a suburban white guy." I thought my computer had been infected with the New Edition virus. Over hilarious breakbeats, Tillman at one point croons, "I've even got love for Canada," sounding more Michael Bivens than a Midwestern indie geek. It's bizarre, almost to an off-putting degree, but absurdly funny and endearing.

Turbo's Tunes closes with a whimper, albeit a pretty one. Jean Smith's "Root Smooth Sapling Whips" combines piano, saxophone, and sparse acoustic guitar into a moody, nine minute elegy. And then it's over. Not a minute too soon.

-Camilo Arturo Leslie