Well, this is it. It's finally here: the review I've been dreading for weeks. Zero Down, as any regular visitor is probably well aware, has been one of the most heavily rotated ad campaigns on Pitchfork in recent months. And I get to slam or laud them. Do I go easy on them-- special treatment, inurement? Or uphold journalistic integrity? Normally, it'd be a no-brainer, being one of the highly professional staff at the 'Fork, but I'd hate to put one of Schreiber's revenue streams in jeopardy, especially when he's announcing on the front page he's "looking for new writers" (we all know what that means!). Another fine mess, Stan...

Suddenly to my overwrought, charley brain, a hallucinatory miniature angel and devil appear-- one on each shoulder-- in poofs of vapor and brimstone, respectively. Wonderful. I'm reduced to a "Tom and Jerry" cartoon. Hanna-Barbera morality. They tear into me.

Angel: Gotta do the right thing, even if it hurts the band, and by extension, possibly the website. I mean, this is a noble profession, bub. If you fix the rating, you'll be betraying every critic, past, present and future who ever wrote an honest review. Ryan will expect nothing less than 100% objectivity.

Devil: Aww, Christ. Don't be a goody-two-shoes, Johnny boy. Everybody in this biz gives a little to get a little. And to be brutally honest, you're not that great of a writer, anyway-- you need to use any angle you can. Give Zero Down a 10.0; no one will bat an eye. Really. Anyway, Ryan asked me to tell you to do that; I just forgot to give you the message.

Angel: Not only can you not do that, but you should probably just subtract a couple points for good measure. Even if you like them, you have to account for the backlash that will ensue. The conclusion jumpers are going to realize you whored yourself for this, John.

Devil: They'll think that no matter what you give the album. Add two!

Angel: Subtract three!

I realize I'll have to make the decision myself.

With a Lifetime to Pay is the debut album from Zero Down. The trio hail from L.A., where punk bands are becoming so infestant that they're now subject to the same zoning laws that apply to Korean convenience stores. The fact that Zero Down shoots for the 80's hardcore-cum-skatepunk sound, rather than the more contemporary deep hardcore that's currently en vogue, is likely attributable to the three members' roots in Strung Out, Down by Law, and Pulley. Of course, there are worse things to be nostalgic for.

The songs where singer Jim Cherry paints realist images of his not-dysfunctional family are actually engaging. The listener gets an honest, objective peek inside his relationship with his father, whom he surprisingly doesn't even hate. When most chunk punk focuses on impersonal, canned vitriol raging against the same old straw men-- evil government, consumerism, sexism, racism, parents who just don't understand-- something as simple as a real conversation is inflatedly impressive.

The Rikki-tikki-tavi guitars of "Going Nowhere" frame a hallmark of the entire record: excellent and oh-so-slightly unexpected melodies. The music is comfortably familiar without being too boring or ambitious. Remember, this is a So-Cal punk trio, after all; just don't expect grandiose, Canadian orchestral post-rock (or anything remotely close) and you'll be alright.

"Suck Seed" contributes a small, but nod-worthy lyric, characteristic of the type of slight insight found in most of the album's thirteen tracks: "Jeremy knows what he wants to be/ Overqualified to underachieve/ He's got a different version of succeed." But doubled harmonies and the retro-core sound give half the songs an Against the Grain flavor. "Everybody's Whore," "Bite the Hands that Feeds" and "Empty Promised Land" all sound like outtakes by that other band on that other label.

However, even when their influences eclipse them, Zero Down manages to sound real in a sea of poseurs all playing nearly identical music. While neither groundbreaking or terribly accomplished, they nonetheless manage to distinguish themselves through decent lyrics and guileless delivery. That's enough to deserve some credit and recognition. And that's the truth, Ruth.

-John Dark