Classified Ads taken a recent Washington Post:

DRUMMER WANTED FOR old skool punk band with x-members of Circus Lupus and Monorchid. R U into GangOf4, early Husker Du, glue, and literature? Come stick a knife in the system. Call Chris at 555-8245

OI OI OI! All safety- pinned up with nowhere to go? Sick of skateboards and baggy pants? REAL Punk rock SWF with shaved head seeks SWM 18-24 for drinking homemade absinthe and yearning for the old days of punk rock. We weren't too late! No non- punk pussies need apply. Meet me at Skull Kontrol concert @ Black Cat. Bring the sharpie and white out.

I CAN'T STAND the noise! I'm an elderly woman living in a 1BR, 1 ˝ BTH apartment in Arlington and I'm moving back to Macon. I live above a "rock" band called SKULL KONTROL that makes an awful racket. The APT is cheap! Can you tolerate the fast noise garbage? Don't worry, occasionally melodic moments burst out from their angular jugular punches like at the end of "New Rock Critic." They never play for more than 24 minutes, but this fogey can't handle the volume! Betsy 210-555-1264

GUITAR STRINGS WANTED! Guitarist for new intelligent punk band Skull Kontrol seeks tons of spare guitar strings. Whenever I switch from the speedy robotic picking into the wrist- snapping power parts, I inevitably break a string. Call A. Coronado 210-555-8734

GRAPHIC ARTIST WANTED for album and flyer design. Can you cut and paste in classic punk form? Remember UK SUBS, 999, The DAMNED? Must be able to draw robots and razors to symbolize our jerky attack and the struggle against the brainwashed masses. Call Chris at 555-8245.

"WHAT THIS TOWN needs is a New Rock Critic!" I'm tired of reviewers who fuck around with cutesy formats to act creative! Just get to the point. Why can't you be more like Skull Kontrol's Chris Thomson-- confrontational, sneering, and hyper. Why can't you just say, like, "Skull Kontrol is lightning fast, somewhat mathy punk like they made in 1980. It's a refreshing return, but with eight songs clocking in about 1:45 each, it's hard to really embrace the fleeting aggression."

-Brent DiCrescenzo