The new German ambient electronic sound that I've recently been fascinated with-- its bands include Mouse On Mars, To Rococo Rot, Microstoria, and Oval, among others-- finally qualifies as a subgenre. According to a recent issue of NME, it's called Teutonic Boom. Now, I don't know about you, but I feel a little retarded even saying that.

For years, I've been baffled by these millions of genre names. We know they come from somewhere within the media... but where? Who's the witty bastard that came up with "emo?" I wanna pat that guy on the back. Y'know, "Congratulations. You just named a genre something that nobody on Earth can say with a straight face." Who did that? I need to know. Who coined the phrase "hip-hop?" Was it Bel Biv DeVoe or some guy at Q? How about "new wave?" Are there international genre police headquartered in Britain handing out phrases like "Teutonic Boom" to NME? Or is it just some pretentious hack like me sitting in his apartment trying to sum up the genre's sound with a simple catchphrase?

To hell with that. This is my magazine and I'm gonna call the new sound whatever I want. How about Squirm? Squirm's a good name for it. Listen! Don't all those bands sound a little squirmy? You know they do. They sound like squirmy little fellas with runny noses-- the geeky kids with the messy hair and high IQs... the paste- eaters. So, let's try it again.

The new German ambient electronic sound that I've recently been fascinated with-- its bands include Mouse On Mars, To Rococo Rot, Microstoria, and Oval, among others-- finally qualifies as a subgenre. It's called Squirm, for no good reason, other than that "the guys sound squirmy." The squirm sound is primarily a combination of electronic noises and ambient drones over a minimalist but dancable drum sequence. But whereas drum-n-bass, jungle, house and trance artists typically like things cold and sterile, squirmers are just the opposite-- they like it warm, with maybe even an occasional human vocal sample that's been digitally fucked with beyond recognition. Schneider TM is one such band. Squirmy, if you will.

Moist is a record of incredible depth-- everytime you throw it in the stereo, you discover something new. It's also one of those rare records that completely envelops you in its sound, and it doesn't waste any time, either. Within thirty seconds of the opening title track, you're consumed by its solid disco kickdrum, noisy analog effects and humming keyboards. The eight- and- a- half minute- long epic "Raum in Art" is less lighthearted, though-- its subtle and eerie ambient drone gives an impression of impending doom while its initially minimalist drum sequence gradually goes jungle. The crunchy, distorted TV static and tribal, neo-futurist rhythm of "Uptight" is, simply put, unlike anything you've ever heard before. But the record's highlights come with the incredibly spacy and beautifully atmospheric "EiweiB," and the record's closer, "Camping," which is, despite the melody's overwhelming simplicity, one of the most memorable electronic numbers of the year.

Now, I'm not gonna run out and endorse every squirm band that comes down the pike, but I'm really into the genre right now. Does that mean that one day I'll forget about Schneider TM just as the world forgot about Deadeye Dick? Nope. You never forget the classics.

-Ryan Schreiber