Promise Ring
Very Emergency
[Jade Tree]
Rating: 8.2
Genretech Laboratories Performance Evaluation #P408153-4126
Subject: Promise Ring, The
Supervising Technician: Dr. Robbins
Abstract: Subject was transgenre ("emo-pop") musical group that requested
treatment for full transformation to "power-pop" genre. Conventional
cosmetic surgery was initially suggested but declined. Genretic therapy
was conducted on-site over a 10-month period (12/97-10/98); a preliminary
evaluation (cf. reference EP document Boys and Girls) was
inconclusive. A six month period of continued treatment and recovery was
followed by a period of full evaluation.
Complete results of evaluation published 9/21/99 under title Very
Emergency (see attached reference document). Initial results appear
mixed; subject's newfound commitment to conventional pop song structures
and chord progressions appears to displace energy levels to detrimental
effect (cf. previous full performance evaluation, Nothing Feels Good,
for comparison). Chorus integrity has increased significantly, but melodic
development in verse lags behind (Figure 1, "Happiness is All the Rage;"
Fig. 4, "Happy Hour"). Lyric quotient slightly higher than before, but
given new reliance on conventional structures, still below average.
Promising signs for full recovery include Fountains of Wayne/ Weezer
emulation (Fig. 8, "Skips a Beat [Over You]") and successful resolution
of relapsed "emo" tendencies with new pop paradigm (Fig. 3, "The Deep
South"). Additionally, subject's exhibition of ballad-like behaviors
(Fig. 5, "Things Just Getting Good;" Fig. 10, "All of My Everythings")
is consistent and comparable with past performance.
Conclusions: Results are still inconclusive. Projections for full
recovery remain at 82% for the time being.
-Nick Mirov