Used to be that there were things in this world you just counted on: Charlie Sheen movies, televangelists trawling for cooz, dead rock stars and rampant angel sightings. Maybe it's just the way my parents raised me, but I was brought up to believe in things. Above all, I was taught early on that the appearance of the phrase "go Hawaii" anywhere indicated the presence of greatness. One could rest assured of the toy beauty of ukulele music, the alluring swivel of grass-skirted hips, endless double-entendres involving the word "lei," and all that poi. My god, the poi! Imagine a sea of floral shirts without a single drunken frat boy slurring "I did it all for the nookie!" to offend the senses. Sure, there's always the threat of tarantula bites, Alice the housekeeper throwing her back out at a Hula lesson, cursed idols or the odd boogie-boarding mishap. But these trifles aside, the very phrase conjures paradise.

Perhaps it's a sign of just how low we've sunk. Maybe George W. is right on. Blame the randy monstrosity known as Clinton-Gore for penetrating with jilted malice every orifice of decency this fine nation has. Who else can we blame for the attachment of such a magisterial phrase as "go Hawaii" to a work of such lackluster ambient dreck?

Hmm... Well, before we burn the Capitol, perhaps we can start with Eric Kowalski, Casino Versus Japan himself. His second album, Go Hawaii, is a standard chill session of deep magmatic beats washed in the steady spume of digital surf. Featuring played breaks, rote effects, spastic surface noise and long careening whistles, Casino Versus Japan is exploring territory claimed long ago by Boards of Canada, Animals on Wheels and a dozen other post-Orb ambient artists that have replaced the once-requisite galactica with vernal liveliness and the organic warmth of jazz. Ambient Primavera, say. There are even children's voices draped in the background of "It's Very Sunny," presumably to minimize the trial time when the Boards finally bring their copyright infringement suit to the bar.

But Go Hawaii isn't wholly terrible, just bafflingly unoriginal. The first track, "Theme," is actually quite promising: a stubborn loop of tambourine and drone that's oddly compelling. Besides the kids, the aforementioned "It's Very Sunny" isn't much more than warm Rhodes piano, synth and a fuzzy breakbeat. The fuzz persists on "Late for School," augmented by some faint chimes and vibes, suggesting the inside of a cuckoo clock. But the pristine mechanics of the song are then drowned in the most hackneyed waves of modulating synthesizer. This is Go Hawaii's signature strategy: bury the elements of genuine creativity in the beach sand of genre standards.

Not only is Casino Versus Japan emulating the work of innovators on Go Hawaii, he's simply not doing it very well. Go Hawaii isn't unpleasant, just unapologetically dull. Not that a lulling effect is always a bad thing. I don't mind it if there's a hammock under my ass and the cocktails keep coming in coconuts.

-Brent S. Sirota