MATAOW DOWBEE! MATOW DOWBEE SAY HEY! PEEESE GOH DONBEE THE SAY! AYCASTOBEE SAY! KEESTAY FODOO KAYDEBAY HEYDAY! MAYABALA BUHDOH FAYA SAHEY WAHAY! AAAAHH!! KAYSTUBA FODO SEHDEMA HEYEY! GOGOGO! THAY FO! NO! THAY FO STAO! TAYFAYHO! KAMAKEYO LEYMO SEEAOW! YUKUDA MEEOW LAAAA KAISUU MEEOWL AAAAAA!!

Well, will you look at that?! No, I'm not taking a class on primitive languages. In fact, it's doubtful that a language like that even exists. But that's what you get when you turn on Gop Ist Minee, the stateside debut from XBXRX. Apparently, it's supposed to be English. I think I even heard an English word somewhere on this record. Doesn't matter, though, because nearly every word is screeched and screamed in only the most annoying and high-pitched of fashions. For instance: remember that scene in Ace Ventura where he's trying to get through the head-banging club? Yeah. Well, imagine that on a gallon of helium and you've already paid for half of this album.

Of course, there's another half: the music. Gop Ist Minee opens with its best track-- a 25 second-long clip of a sped-up Casio keyboard demo. I know what you're thinking: "That's the best track? Why, it could only get worse from there!" Only too true, my friend. Only too true. Clichéd guitar lines from the math/thrash department breeze by as eleven more "songs" speed by in a mere 20 minutes. Frankly, I'd be hard pressed to distinguish one track from another, and I'm betting you would be, too. To fill things out, XBXRX have also included a limited assortment of electronic bweeEEows and swwsssshhhs here and there. (Only onomatopoeias of the most imbecilic order will do them justice.)

So facts is facts, and after these facts, I just can't see why you'd want to buy XBXRX. Of course, if you're a fan of annoying speed-thrash electronic garage-punk (with emphasis on "annoying"), then I suppose you could give it a shot. For the rest of you, don't. I mean it.

-Spencer Owen